My dearest daughter,
I was sitting in Starbucks this afternoon with your brother and two of his friends. We had just finished with a field trip to the MacArthur Memorial Museum. The girls wanted a frappe and I thought it would be a sweet end to our stressful outing. (You know I have always said that education is wasted on the young...)
As I was sitting at a little table across from the three reluctant scholars-my thoughts were about you, my dear daughter. I was reminiscing about the fact that you were the one who introduced me to Starbucks. I also remembered that you had to be the one who ordered for me because I didn't know the Starbucks lingo. You rattled off the orders like it was your first language.......
I was remembering how happy you were then. All smiles and conversation. All filled with joy and song. All girlie and classy at the same time. Make up on, dressed nicely, smelling divine.......
What happened to my young, beautiful, cultured, homeschooled, Bible believing daughter? Where did she go?
It pains me that just about every choice you have made since you were 20 has been made without God factored in anywhere. You were raised on the Rock! Why are you opting for sinking sand?
You once told me that I taught you about sin...I just didn't teach you how much sin was out in the world. Huh? Everywhere we turned I pointed out sin and its consequences; I taught you to go to God's Word to do battle against it! You had it memorized--remember?
I did prepare you for life--a life for serving God--a life with God! I taught you God first...everything else second. I may not have modeled it to perfection, but you always knew that I began with and ended up with God. Sometimes in the middle I got twisted around, but eventually I found my way back and stayed under His Wing. You witnesses this! You saw the struggles AND the victories! Have you forgotten?!
Now, you have turned away from God. Oh, the pain this brings...not only to me...not only to you, but to our Heavenly Father! This actually concerns me more than your poor financial status or your cutting yourself. Leaving the God of the Universe..Your Creator and King!?!
I know that God still loves you! He has loved you from eternity past, present and future! Not because you can feel it, but because His Word declares it! Page by page, chapter by chapter, word for word. He loves you!! I love you, too!
Even though I cannot open our home to you at this time...
Even though I cannot rescue you at this time....I still love you! This decision was not made lightly. Your daddy and I fasted (quite involuntarily...we were so upset that we had to fast or throw up!) and prayed about this decision. We went to two prayer meetings. Daddy went to the men's prayer meeting and I went to the Deborah group. We decided that the answer we got from the LORD from the prayer meetings was going to be what we do.
Not one lady in the Deborah group said to allow you home. Not one man in the Men's group said to allow you home. The overwhelming consciences was to let God work. We are not your rescuers. We can not bail you out of your troubles. You must go to God and God alone. He is your answer. He is your break. He is your respite. He is your deliverer!
With all this in my mind and in my heart...I am declaring that I love you and I am still your mother! You can run from God, but for each step away from Him...I am going to pray harder! I am going to pray like there is no tomorrow! I am standing in the gap--for you, my dear one! God will hear the prayers of this saint!
The longer you strive to stay away from God...the harder He is going to pound you! He knows the tool to use to mold you into His image. You cannot run! You cannot hide! No matter how deep you fall in the pit that you keep digging...God is going to be there!
The more you curse God...the more I am going to praise Him! I am going to praise Him for both of us! I ate for two and can certainly praise for two! Praise, as you know, is a weapon of Heaven! No earthly weapon formed against us can stand! I am breaking out the big guns! I am putting the Praise Band out in front of the army that I am calling down for you!
Prayer and Praise is all I can do for you right now, but it will be enough! Do not under estimate the power of P2! We are to pray without ceasing! God loves us to pray His Word! Get ready for it! God inhabits the praise of His people! Get ready for it! God is not going to let you go! He cannot! You are engraved into the palm of His Hand!
So...my dear...get ready...God will get you through this! I am going to remind Him everyday...several times a day...that He has a daughter in you and He needs to take care of you and bring you back into the fold. You had better brace yourself because when God moves EVERYTHING SHAKES!!!!
Let me warn you....It will get worse before it gets better, unless, God chooses a Damascus Road Conversion. I know that He does this at times, but you have already been on this particular highway to Hell for 5+ years...so I mean it...you had better grab on to something solid (like the Rock of Ages...the Chief Cornerstone, for instance) and hang on...
A mother's prayer is powerful!
I am loving you,
Momma
I woke up at 4:11 this morning in a funk. It amazes me that satan seems to attack me when I am not quite awake, bored or just had a disturbing phone call from my daughter, all of which has occurred within the last 12 hours. Sigh....So this is an entry for me...a spiritual pep rally if you will. Please bare with me while I get my Jesus Girl armour on.
I love the Blue Letter Bible website. It has everything from commentaries to women's sources, but I like the devotionals. This is today's, it is from Proverbs 8:35. "For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favour of the LORD." Here is the devotional thought on this verse.
"Whatever wisdom exists finds its identity in the person and being of Christ
Himself. Seek this wisdom and thereby seek out the Lord of our rest. In Him
alone lies all life and love and joy and meaning. Turn to Him and embrace true
wisdom! Turn to Him and be comforted with the promise of eternal Sabbath! In
Christ alone stands our hope!"
What has my goat this morning? Here is my list:
I arose from my bed this morning dizzy...inner ear.
I have a daughter that is running a muck in New Jersey.
I have a son who is 15 can barely read and maybe on the third grade level. He informed me last night that he wants to go to a Christian school because he wants friends.
I cannot afford a Christian school!
My husband wants to retire, but we cannot afford it. He is 67 and has been working for 46 years at NNSY and we cannot afford it?
His car is on its last wheel.
The house needs decluttering and painting and I know that all this will be done by me and me alone.
The oven has stopped working.
The over-the-oven hood lights have stopped working.
The sprayer at the kitchen sink has been disconnected for years and does not work.
The bathroom ceiling is peeling and in bad need of work.
The house exterior needs a new roof, mold removal and repainting--along with new gutters.
My right leg is in pain.
My right underarm has an enlargement.
I have a lump in the right side of my sternum.
My asthma is never ending.
I am at least 100 pounds over weight.
This is just a list of things I am willing to talk about.
BUT! satan! I have found Jesus and according to His Word--I have found life and favor! So thank you so very much for reminding me that I live in a sin cursed and fallen world! Thank you for reminding me that I am just a traveler through this world that you are trying to destroy! Thank you for reminding me that this is NOT my home! Thank you for reminding me that I do indeed need a Saviour no matter what time of day or night it is! Thank you for reminding me that I need my Jesus no matter what day of the week it is!
You, satan, can break everything in this house. You, satan, can torment everyone in this house. You, satan, can probably afflict me with all kinds of pain and illness. BUT! You have NO dominion over my SOUL....YOU HAVE LOST!! I do not care what it looks like!! I do not care what it feels like!! I do not care what it sounds like!! YOU HAVE LOST!!!
You, the enemy of my soul, have NO dominion here at the Beale Bungalow! You, the enemy of my family, have NO dominion with any of my walking DNA or their spouses. You, the enemy of my peace, have NO dominion over anything! PERIOD! END OF DISCUSSION!
I have all the promises of God, in the name of Jesus, by the power and seal of the Holy Spirit. You cannot defeat Them! If God be for us, who can be against us! Romans 8:31b! Written by Paul! of whom you tried to destroy too! and did NOT succeed!
You have tried to manipulate me to be filled with the poisons of anger, bitterness and hatred through every possible means and persons in my life here on this terrestrial ball, but YOU HAVE FAILED!! You have no dominion, right, or authority with anything that concerns me or mine, because it is all Gods' anyway!
I am not perfect, but my God is! I do not live perfectly, but my Jesus did! I have no power of my own, but the Holy Spirit does! Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!
I have life and favor in Christ and Christ Alone! Go fight it out with Him and leave me alone! The battle is His! The victory is His! The glory is His! and guess what satan...I AM HIS!
In His Name,
Amen
This was my view outside my living room window this morning. It was beautiful, peaceful and quiet. The air was crisp and carried the sounds of birds coming and going from their nests in our holly bushes. This is what I call a winter morning. :)
We, in the Hampton Roads area, do not see snow often. I do believe we have a NO SNOW ZONE sign stamped on us somewhere in heaven. Sigh...so when we do get snow...Yippee!!! Just about everyone is excited, except for my husband and one elder at my church. Oh well, God is in control and He heard a great deal many more prayers for snow than not. TeeHee....
My sore leg was acting up this morning. Sometimes I think it is going to bend the wrong way and this causes not only physical pain, but a bit of the emotional 'what if?' kind of pain. I stayed off of it this morning and it seems to be doing better this afternoon. I think that might have something to do with the ibuprofen I took and the TED I am wearing, but all is well.
I looked around the Beale Bungalow this morning and became discouraged. It was a mess! I worked all week just to have it all fall apart on the weekend? No...no...no...I don't think so. Once my leg was feeling better I started with our bedroom and made the bed, put away all the laundry and made it look nice and tidy.
Next was the laundry in the computer room. It is funny that I seem to be the only one who knows how to fold socks, undershirts and panties. It took all of 10 minutes and no time to put them away at all. The computer room is still a sight because that is where everything is going to be sorted and either given away, thrown out or repurposed. It will be the final room completely done.
After the living room and the dining room where straightened I tackled the kitchen. It sure looks much better, and I am happy with the results. The laundry room followed--more laundry put away and everything tidied up. The bathroom got a good scrubbing. I am glad that job is over! :)
The floors were vacuumed, porches swept, candles lit and now my guys are in from their outside chores and play enjoying a nice neat warm home. This makes me very content...
The sky has opened up a few times today and allowed the sun to peek through...I wander if I have opened up and allowed the Son to peek through my life today. I must confess...other than a couple of blogs mentioning God this morning...my answer would have to be no. I know what I will be doing when I finish here. :) I know that God will be just as excited for me to spend time with Him in the afternoon as He would in the morning. I talk with Him all the time, but spending time in His Word...that I have not done as of yet. Like I said...I know what I will be doing when I finish here.
So far, this has been a very nice wintery Saturday...I pray that you are having the same kind of day.
Sharon
The sky has been a kaleidoscope of weather patterns totally bathed in frigid temperatures today. There has been an alternating of deep grayness to vivid whiteness to a crisp bright yellow sunshine that only occurs in the months of winter. Snowflurries have been witnessed throughout the day and I believe snow has been forecasted for tonight. All of these changes have made me extremely thankful for the warm cluttered bungalow that I call "home".
I have not done but so much today. My leg is improving, but it does require me to remain off of it for long periods of time. Aspercreme and Ibuprophen are helping, so are the ice packs, but that painful pulling remains. No Zumba for me tonight. Sigh...I do enjoy it so....
Anyway, I have a few minutes to jot down my thoughts before I go through the house and do my final pick up and put away before my husband comes home. I like to do this so he does not come home to chaos....which it is not....but neatness seems to warm his soul and it is a small thing I can do for him on a daily bases. I believe it gives him a sense of security, as well as, to our son and myself.
Today, I have been out of sorts. I woke up a 3 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to get busy. Sigh...hormones I suppose. Laundry, straightening the house, cleaning off the diningroom table, straightening the kitchen and a few other little chores were done before 5 a.m. when my husband got up. When he left for work I started getting sleepy so I went back to bed. I don't think I should have done this...
I went down to a friend's house to have a chat before schooling lessons were started. Upon my return...I noticed that my teenage son was not awake. Sigh...schooling was going to be difficult today, I thought, and I was right. When my son's routine is messed up he does not do well...and true to form....today was one of those days. Plus, me having to lie down and keep my leg straight didn't help the rhythm of the day. :( We did manage to get some schooling lessons done, but not much. Tomorrow morning will be quite busy.
I ended up napping some this afternoon and now I feel wonderful. Ready to take on the rest of the day.
Supper is in the crockpot. It is a recipe that I found years ago on Crystal Miller's blog.
http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/
She has some really good and healthy recipes along with all the wonderful news of her lovely family. I might post the recipe with a picture of our meal this evening. It's name escapes me at the moment, but it is a favorite around the Beale Bungalow.
Well, it is time to tidy up and get ready for my husband to come home. :)
Sharon
Last night I made a delicious soup for supper. It was quick and easy. I got the recipe from an Amish cookbook that my mom gave me years ago. I thought I would share the recipe with you this morning.
Potato Soup with Sausage
Ingredients:
6 cups of potatoes, diced (I used 8 cups)
1/2 medium onion, chopped (I used 1 whole onion)
1 tsp of celery leaves (I used all the celery heart leaves)
Parsley
1/2 lb. sausage (I used 1 lb. of Jimmy Dean sausage)
2 cups of milk or cream (I used milk)
1 Tbsp of cornstarch
Salt and Pepper to taste (I used a lot of pepper)
Garnish with cheese (I used cheddar)
Cook potatoes and onions in a pot of water. Fry sausage. When potatoes are almost done add celery leaves, parsley and sausage. Mix cornstarch and milk and add to the potatoes. Bring to a full boil and boil for two minutes. (I did not do the boiling part. I was afraid I would scorch the milk. I just let the soup simmer while the table was being set and ice placed in glasses.)
That was it and it was really yummy! This was a perfect dish for such a cold wintery day. My son gave it a 10. My husband an 8. (He is not too keen on potato soups of any sort and to get an 8 was a good thing.) Let me know if you try it.
According to the weather forecast last evening--today is supposed to be the coldest day since 2010. Yikes! Maybe I should have made this soup tonight instead of last night. Oh well, I will have a nice hot supper tonight, too. I haven't decided what it will be but it will be hot!!!
My knee is still terribly tender and I am walking with a limp to prevent further injury, so today will be a slow one. A little chore done...rest...another chore done...rest....a schooling lesson done...rest. Sigh... I am hoping that this little problem well resolve itself soon. Ice packs alternating with a hot wheater heater will continue. I am thinking of doing an epsom salt poultice today, too. I will let you know how that goes.
I do have a load of laundry to do, as well as, some vacumming. Hmm...maybe my son can use some practice with the Oreck?
Sharon
Well, I have messed up my right knee. I have no idea what I did to it, but it hurts. I am rotating heat and ice along with sitting with my leg propped up. I am viewing this as a forced rest. I am choosing to relax and not do much so my knee can heal. I don't really know what from, but heal none the less.
Schooling can be done while I am forced to rest. My son is really good at doing his studies when I am not at my best. I suppose that is a strength of being a true *mercy. This is his spiritual gift. I used to think of it as a weakness for my son, but I have come to realized what a strength and a blessing his gifting really is. Times like these he is all sympathy towards mom and that is a good thing. :)
Another activity I can do sitting down is reading. I just wish I had something really great to read. I have a couple of books coming tomorrow from Amazon.com. They are two books written my Mrs. Sharon White. She writes a blog that I have enjoyed greatly and I just decided to buy her books. I identify with her in a few areas and I know these gentle reading books will be a comfort and an inspiration for me. I need both of these at this time.
I am planning on having a simple supper tonight. Potato and Ham soup with a spinach salad on the side. I will not have to stand much to fix the soup. All the preparations can be done with my leg elevated. Check this off my list.
Tonight is my husband's men's prayer group at church. I think if my knee will allow-I might go to a ladies group. My son will spend his evening with friends, so Tuesday is shaping up to be a fine day. God is good.
I think I am going to read some of my bible and rest until it is time to prepare supper. Have a great day.
Sharon
My heart is beating fast and hard. I know what this is...Anxiety. Lack of faith. Fear. I loathe this with every fiber of my being!
Yes, I have panic attacks and transition problems. I have had these two companions of mine for as long as I can remember and I am 52 years old now. I get what I call a sinking feeling in my stomach, maybe someone likens them to butterflies, but I have held a butterfly and felt it's fluttering....what I am experiencing is nothing like that. Everything just sinks. It can be fast as lightening or slow as molasses...all flowing downward. Yuck...I can't stand it!
Then my thoughts go crazy. The what ifs show up and stomp around my brain making as much noise as they possibly can. I can't think about anything true, noble or otherwise.
This is when the tears usually start and my heart beats fast and furious as if it is trying it's best to get away from the thoughts with all it's might. I start to shake and tremble and my knees get weak. There are usually two things that happen at this juncture. I either fall apart or go to sleep. Sleep is the best for me...I don't feel when I am sleeping.
I have come to accept these co-companions of mine. I can't seem to get rid of them...so acceptance is the only option. I know more scripture now that I used to know, plus I am more mature in age and in my walk with Jesus than before...this allows me to rationally speak truth into my soul.
I know that God is always with me. I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that nothing can separate His Love for me. I know that I am His child and heir to His Promises, through Jesus His Son. I know that I am sealed by the Holy Spirit. When I was younger...I really didn't believe all this Truth. At 52, not only do I believe it...I live by and these Truths.
I read a book, many years ago, called "Hinds Feet in High Places". Much Afraid had two companions, too. I believe their names were "Sorrow and Suffering". She didn't want these two hombres hanging around either, but they were there because the Great Shepherd wanted them there. They taught Much Afraid many truths about the Shepherd, so therefore they were an intrical part of the plan He had for her. I am assuming that panic attacks and transition fear are my *sorrow and suffering* companions for His plan for me. This makes what I am experiencing today somewhat easier.
Today, I am not going to fall apart or go to sleep. Nope!
I must keep my eyes on Jesus. I must renew my mind daily with His Word. I must trust in God and God alone.
Sola Fide, by faith alone.
Sola Scriptura, by Scripture alone.
Solus Christus, through Christ alone.
Sola Gratia, by grace alone.
Soli Deo Gloria, glory to God alone.
Isaiah 41:13 says, "For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who
helps you."
God's Word also says, in Romans 8:31, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
I will comfort my soul with these two verses today....my heart has slowed down somewhat. Thank you, Abba. Help me keep my mind stayed on thee, O LORD.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Sharon
