Frayed cords and breathe....

 

So how do you feel today?  This is how I feel....

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am frayed!  Still usable, but dangerous...not dangerous of burning down the whole house, but definitely could shock or burn someone.  I just need a good repair.  

Frayed cords are usually the ones that are always in use.  They are really needed!  They are really used!  Probably several times a day...but they get worn out and need some rest for repair or they may get replaced!  Hmmm....  Anywho, I am a frayed, daily used, overloaded, worn out electrical cord. 

I get hot so quickly, and I am not talking about hot flashes; I experience them, too.  I get angry, hurt, fearful so fast that I, myself am caught off guard.  I want to shock people, but that is not what Christians do therefore I just quietly get hotter and hotter and I am afraid that I am going to catch fire and burn everything in my path.  Wrong!!!!  I cannot do this.

I go to God....for a short while I am calm only to get shocked from the outside world and then I feel the warmth of my sin stirring and flowing needing some Holy Spirit electrical tape to mend the casing and prevent an eruption that would register on the Richter Scale! 

There are promises from God's Word that I must not be believing.  I can believe for others just not for myself.  Hmmm....Cat mentality, Pride, Sin, Unresolved Pain, Unmet Expectation Hurt, Fear....sigh...

I think today I am going to go about my day slowly...not rushing.  I don't want to overload my circuits.  I need to pray all day...there are so many pressing needs that the throne of God needs to be upholstered with. 

Laundry,
                  
     straightening up,
           
            schooling lessons (Oh help me);
                           
                         just daily life. 

The never ending cycle of domesticity that drones on and on...but today I am going to take it really slow.  

I don't have to be anywhere. 

I don't need anything from out. 

It is gray so I think I will turn on the lights and brighten up the place a bit. 

Candles...

breathe...

music....

breathe...

chores...

breathe...

cooking...

breathe...

laundry...

breathe.... 

Hmmm...maybe I will just concentrate on breathing today.




 

Quiet .....

Snow is lying quietly on the ground.  My husband is sleeping off his cold in his chair.  My son is in bed with an aspirin on the back of his throat. (A tried and true way of warding off a sore throat.)  All the laundry is done.  The house is straight.  Nothing actually needs to be done at the moment, except for schooling lessons.  All is quiet in and at the Beale Bungalow. 

I have been pondering my purpose for today.  All of the above, plus--prayer.  Praying for friends that just need to be told by God that they are loved.  Praying for friends that need to be freed from bondages causing them and their loved ones so much pain.  Praying for jobs, healings, guidance, strength, patience, traveling mercies and so very much more.  I think this is my purpose for today....

Oh, there is much that I could be doing....schooling my son, sewing my dining room curtains, sewing a wall hanging for my mom, reading a couple of new books, studying God's Word...but here I sit...listening to my husband's non labored breathing, thanks to a dose of Dayquil and wondering if I should be more productive today. 

It is cold and wet outside.  It is warm and dry inside.  Maybe what I am experiencing at the moment is contentment.  Ahhh....sweet contentment.  It doesn't come around much, but when it does...it is welcomed with opened arms and a warm heart.  \o/

Sleep....

I have a hydrangea in my front garden that looks dead. 

Yet I know in the spring when the sun begins its journey closer to the northern hemisphere--the seemingly dead limbs will allow the little green leaves to peak out and absorb the sun thus begin the process to make food for its growth.   

Then...the buds...will ripen and open up into beautiful cylindrical balls of pink or blue announcing its God ordained beauty. 

But for right now it lays dormant.
  
It is mulched and covered with a blanket of winter snow. 

It is quiet. 

Maybe it too, doesn't like being seen through a screen. 

Maybe it too, is tired of standing alone. 

Maybe it too just wants to sleep......

Those women....

When I was in my teens and early twenties I used to turn my nose up at some women.  You know the type...long lifeless graying hair pulled up in the front and long in the back.  They were always wearing ill fitted jeans and oversized tee shirts loaded with stains.  Over weight, no make up, tired looking....sad looking...I swore I would never grow up to be a woman like these women.

I am older now and much wiser, I pray.  I see women like this now and I pray for them.  They ARE tired.  Many of these women have their whole worlds on their shoulders.  Let's face it....boys will be boys and most men are still boys.  Sad, but true.  Therefore, these gray, baggy women are doing the mother job and the father job usually holding down a job outside the home.  Yep...they are tired.

They have lost that "girly look" you know....make up on to perfection.  Hair always stylish.  A new outfit every now and then.  Smelling wonderful with that newly purchased cologne or perfume.  Why?  Well, one doesn't need to dress up to clean the house, do the laundry, homeschool children.  One doesn't need to dress up to go to Walmart.  Gee, even the come as you are churches do not expect dresses, heels and makeup with matching jewelry.  There is no reason for dressing feminine or just nicely. 

Then there is the husband factor.  If a woman is not cherish by her husband the way she defines being cherished...a somewhat dreary oppression comes over them and they feel unloved.  The "why bother" spirit comes in and sets up his cot in her heart and starts his dirty work.  

Why bother?  We never go anywhere?  We never do anything?  We never have a vacation?  We never have people over?  We .... we....we all the way home....

I think that all of this is just "self hatred".  Period...  I must admit...that is true of me and my life.  I don't like myself, my decisions, my marriage, my homeschooling experience, my church experience....heck...even my Walmart experience.  I just hate me and my life. 

Now...this brings me to a Scripture verse.  "If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."  1 John 4:20  I may be taking things out of context, but hating myself (made in God's image) of whom I  can see....how can I love God whom I cannot see.  Hmmmm.... 

My heart actually hurts for those women and myself.  We want to look nice, smell nice, be nice....but somehow the enemy of our souls have tricked us into believing that we are not worth the time and effort.  (I am not talking about becoming obsessed with our looks just taking better care of ourselves.  Even the Proverbs 31 woman takes care of herself....prepares good meals....dresses in clothing of linen and purple---not my color, but, oh well).  Just to not feel guilty for getting my hair trimmed, or buying a new outfit.  What a relief that would be!

I sometimes think that women like me want to martyr themselves.  This is pride---with a capital P R I D E!!!  Can self hatred be prideful, too.  Boy, that ol' Lucifer is a cunning varmint, isn't he.  

I know I have begun a lifestyle change.  I have gone 17 days with a glass of Pepsi.  It is a small step, but a step none the less.  Hopefully, this will expand into diet and exercise. Not *a diet, but a lifestyle change in my diet.  I know what too do, just doing it is the hard part.

Oh well, I do pray for us graying, shabby looking Walmart moms.  I pray that we will see how loved we are by the Father of Creation.  Sigh....  :)   

Tonight....

                                            Tonight....

                              I am scared. 

                       I am going to go and....

                       Spend time with my...

                            Strong Tower.



                         

Downcast...gray...

I can go a whole week and never hear from a soul.  Oh, I will 'see' them on facebook, but not in person.  Nor will I hear from them.  I make a point to call whoever is sick or send a card.  There are calls to my birth state of Tennessee, but rarely do I hear from them.  I also go days without a decent conversation to a living soul.  My husband, God love him, is not a talker.  There are days where 'goodbye', 'I love you', and 'Hey you' is all that is said between us.  I am so lonely that I could die! 

My mind gets to wondering and pondering during these lean times and the enemy of my soul shoots his sickening words into the very core of my thinker.  I start getting mad, then sad, then despair sets up its easy chair in the frontal lobe of my brain.  I then suffer from the "stinking thinking" syndrome; this in turn effects my behavior.  I become moody, sullen, melancholy, sleepy, weepy, snacky and then I get negative.  I am not a overly positive person by nature anyway---throw the devil's easy chair and I produce seven depressing dwarves of my own!  

Today, is one of those days.  My soul is gray (like the sky) and very downcast.  So, I am here to write and allow the Holy Spirit to cast out the occupied satan seat and perk me up for God's Glory.  " Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." This is Psalm 43:5.  I need to praise Him no matter what.  There...some praise music on....Kim Walker....Bless the Lord Oh My Soul.  :)  Nice...

I always seem to turn my head away from the God of my salvation when I get like this.  I read somewhere here recently that man is born facing away from God.  When he repents he is turned toward God and follows Him.  I keep turning around....sigh... 

The entire Psalm is:

1 Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause
against an ungodly people,
from the deceitful and unjust man
deliver me!
2 For you are the God in whom I take refuge;
why have you rejected me?
Why do I go about mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?

3 Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!
4 Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

 

There seems to be times when I feel that God has rejected me just like the writer of this Psalm, but it is written, I feel this way "because of the oppression of the enemy".

I need God to send out His light and His truth.  I want them to lead me.  I pray these bring me to His Holy Hill--to His Dwelling!  Then I can go to the altar of my God and praise Him!!! 

I need not be alone, downcast, melancholy, depressed --- all because I put my hope in God of my salvation!!

Nice pep talk...all based on the Word of God!  Typed and prayed back to my Abba.  My soul is lighter...even though the sky is still gray. 

\o/

In whom do I trust....

Four days without Pepsi.  I am doing well as long as I have plenty of sweet ice tea in the frig.  This isn't as hard as I thought it would be, but I am only four days in....

  ??????????????????????????????????????????

Now...who can we trust in Biblical Teachings?  Is it okay to like the teachings of a non-Trinitarian?  Is it okay to lean toward the extremely conservative interpretations of God's Word, yet having the typical American lifestyle?  These questions are just rambling in my heart, soul and spirit...

If I believe time is short-- what do I care what others think! What do I care about others opinions about how I raise my son or handle my marriage or work my finances or choose my entertainment?  What is the deal? 

 I do not enjoy reading books by those Biblical scholars that have given up everything to travel the globe filling the bellies and spirits of the world's physically and spiritually impoverished!  These books leave me totally depressed and guilt ridden!  I am a stay at home, homeschooling aging overly plump wife and mother.  My life consists of cleaning our house, doing laundry, cooking meals, homeschooling our son, going to church, going to Walmart, Kroger, Farm Fresh, Trader Joes, Michaels and JoAnn Fabrics.  I literally go no where else.    I am still praying that my husband would be the spiritual leader of our home and that my son will follow the LORD and not his friends. 

I am starved for some good solid Biblical teaching that brings about change in my world and life in general.  So, who do I trust?  This is a very hard decision for me.  Some Bible teachers fire me up!!!!  John Hagee when he gets on a role!  Michael Rood because he teaches in the Hebrew way.  David Platt when my spirit is full.  Francis Chan when my spirit is flat.  Andy Stanley only about three times a year.  Then there are the dearly departed....Adrian Rodgers, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Jonathan Edwards, Cotton Mathers, Martin Luther, and many others too numerous to mention. 

Most of today's teachers leave me kind of ????!  Is it my spirit? I don't know, but I do know that I am terrified to be like the silly women found in 2 Timothy 3:6-7 "  For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth."  This is a tremendous fear of mine.  I don't want to be like these women.  At times, this fear paralyzes me to the point of doing nothing!  This is not good!

  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, who do I follow?  I follow the Words of the LORD!!!  I cannot place my full trust on any one man and his teachings.  Does that mean I cannot listen to radio preachers or television teachers?  Well, at times absolutely not!!!!  I must be well studied up on God's Word to be able to handle the teachings of others.  I think I am just lazy enough to be led astray.  I am just lazy enough to be burdened with sin.  I am lazy enough to continue to learn yet never arriving to the Knowledge of Truth.  It does boil down the my active righteousness in studying the pure Word of the LORD!  Sigh.... I feel better getting all this off my chest!!!! 

\o/

2014...

2014 is here.  So long 2013...though you brought us blessings I am looking forward to what God has in store for the up coming year. 

This past year there was much heartache concerning our daughter.   She was in so much pain and anxiety that she ended up cutting herself!!  She was hospitalized several times and had several terrible diagnosis'.  This just brought pain and anxiety for me and her father....then God brought a miracle!!   Our daughter became pregnant!  Oh, I was devastated!  How could she bring a baby into her chaos.... but God had a marvelous plan. 

Our daughter had to stop all medications....she was pregnant!  She had to stop cutting....she was pregnant!!  She had to woman up and take care of her son....she was pregnant!!!  What a blessing...not only did she bring a beautiful baby girl into the world for God's glory....but this little girl saved my daughter's life!!!! 

There has been a tremendous growth in the life of my daughter and her husband!  My son-in-law realized how precious little girls are....thus changing his feelings for my precious little girl!!!  He treats her much better and relies on her a lot.  My little granddaughter was born, via a section, on October 31st.  She is NOT a Halloween baby by no means!  She is a Reformation Baby!!  Because God has used her to reform this little family!!!  Praise God!!!  

We now have a sweet relationship and I am so very thankful for our little blessing.  God had a plan all along....I am truly excited for what He is going to this coming year.  \o/ 

So, what are my goals for the new year....I do have them.  They are not really resolutions, per se, just things I want to do.  One is to give up Pepsi.  I admit it...I am addicted to the brown, sweet, bubbly stuff!  I love it....but I swell so badly when I drink it, so I am truly trying to quit drinking Pepsi or colas of any kind.  Tea..... I plan on drinking tea.  I used to drink tea all the time...then I met Donnie and Pepsi.  Sigh...

Another goal is to do more sewing.  I want to quilt on my quilt, make some curtains for my living room and dining room, make a wall hanging for my mom and some pillows for my couch.  I just want to be productive.  I have gardening goals, as usual...but now becoming more of a necessity!  Thanks to rising prices.... 

My final goal is to do more Bible studies.  I just want to learn more about God and to draw closer to Him.  This will affect every area of my life and I am ready.  Being 53 changes a person and introspection is a given.... 

So, those are my New Year's thoughts....nothing mind blowing, just little goals that give a middle aged, over weight, homeschooling mom something to look forward to.

Oh well...I am going to leave you with a few pictures of my New Year's day meal....

 

 

 

 

 

I made a killer sweet potato pie.  It was and is delicious.  We had ham, Hoppin' John, collard greens, homemade apple sauce with the pie for dessert.  Our son was having fun with his fork....notice the bottle of Pepsi AND the pitcher of tea.  Yep...I drank the tea!!!  :)

Christmas time is here....

Christmas 2013....it is almost here.  I must say that I am kind of numb and yet looking forward to the day with slight...really slight excitement.  This sounds sad, but really it isn't.  I think Christmas, as I have always known it, is changing, as all things, traditions and events seem to do throughout ones life. 

I no longer get excited about the gifts or the work for "the" Christmas.  My children are older.  My daughter is now 29 and my son is 16.  There isn't the element of surprising them on Christmas morning.  The Currier & Ives picture is gone; burned and buried. 

I have always tried to "include" Jesus in "our" Christmas celebrations, but it has not been completely about HIM!  Gifts...material things...the smells...the tastes...the music...  Such an American thing.  (Sometimes just being an American leads to sin...)  :( 

Jesus please forgive me....  

I listen to my 29 year old daughter and I just hang my head in shame.  She isn't doing anything wrong.  She is the epitome of my own quote..."Whatever a parent does in moderation the child will do in excess."  She is worried that her daughter doesn't have a red Christmassy dress to wear on Christmas.  So...not...important!!!  She is upset that she doesn't have the money to buy her husband a gift for Christmas.  So...not...important!!!  My advice to her was concentrate on the true meaning of why CHRISTIANS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS!!!  I told her to spend time with her family, without complaining...make cookies and then eat them.  Make a snow family and then be one.  Make homemade decorations and display them.  Play Christmas Hymns and sing them.   Serve those less fortunate--be Jesus.  Do Christmas!!! Praise God for sending us HIS SON!!!

I am taking my own advice...Yes, Christmas is changing here at the Beale Bungalow. 

Blah.......

This is one bleak, gray, wet day! 

Yep...out front looks bleak, gray and wet.....

Out back looks bleak, gray and wet, too!!!   It has been raining for two straight days now and I think I need to see some sunshine...  :)

Today is the type of day that I have a hard time getting started, especially since I am in a funk kind of a mood.  I once again am experiencing *failure* feelings.  Aish....I am ready to make a brain off button!  :)

It is strange how I read all the books on child rearing, child training, child education and I can't seem to experience the successes that these books seem to communicate.  I am so glad that I have stopped reading them, but when I read something that I really enjoy and believe in it is hard for me to forget their words.  Books are a good thing and a bad thing too. 

I am now 53 and having these *failure* feelings, so I doubt that they will ever go away.  Oh well....when the sun comes out soon ... I think I will feel better and type more positively.

:)

  

 

 

Making Progress....

Yeah!!!  I am beginning to feel that I am making progress in my goal for painting the inside of the Beale Bungalow!!!  :) 

Today, I put my kitchen back together and it looks so much better since I am able to store many appliances in my laundry/storage/pantry/mud room.  I actually did not want to cook in it tonight, but of course, I did.  Anyway....

I am so very tired, but I am going to continue on painting and cleaning.  Sleep comes easily to me at night now.  I am  too tired to think, so off to dreamland I go as soon as my head hits my pillow.  The funny thing is...I still wake up tired.  :(   I know that when my painting is done...that will probably change...hopefully....prayerfully...

So, some pictures.  First--my laundry/storage/pantry/mud room. 

BEFORE:

 

 

 

Yes, it was so sad...  I just lost interest in really cleaning.  Plus there was black dust coating the walls which made

 painting extremely difficult.  I had to cut in three times just to cover the unwashable black dust!  It was a mess.  :(  

 

AFTER:                                                                                              

       

 

 

Nice and clean.  I am going to make curtains for this room and the kitchen, but that will be after I finish all my painting.  Did you notice how I hung all my mops and brooms?  PINTEREST.COM!!  We had a straight rake that broke and I cleaned it--hung it--and filled it with brooms, mops, fan dusters, my Webster and such.  I am happy!!

 

The kitchen was next.  Going up and down the ladders has pulled all my posterior leg muscles, but today I am resting and they are feeling better.  Anyway..

 

BEFORE:

 

 

 

I don't have many before pictures, but take my word for it...it was a dirty mess.  Black dust!! 

AFTER:

Nice and clean.  Once again...I will be making new curtains for the kitchen, but after all the painting is done.  It is so nice to have cleanliness and order in part of my home.  I just sit and look at it and sigh with complete satisfaction!!  I despise painting, but it does look nice when it is done!  :)

I know that I have three rooms and a hallway to go, but I am only concentrating on the next room.  That would be the dining room.  I am going to pick up the paint tomorrow and hopefully get started.  Reality will be just buying the paint and prepping the room.  I can paint on Friday and Saturday.  Two rooms in one week....SWEET! 

My son is going on a Youth Discipleship Retreat this weekend, so I can get a lot of work done.  My husband is going to be doing the lawn...hopefully, but will probably be inside helping me....

We, as a family, went out to eat with our grandson this past Tuesday evening.  He is going to be sixteen this month and travels the rails of Italy by himself.  He and some of his buddies went to Rome (which is an hour and a half from Naples by rail) and they noticed that the train was packed.  They didn't know what was going on and so they decided to follow the crowd.  The crowd went to Vatican City...it was then that the boys noticed the white smoke and knew there was a new pope.  He was there when the new pope spoke.  He said that he is Catholic, but thought it was cool to be there listening to the new head of the Catholic Church.  He has story after story like this.  He just attracts adventure!  It was so much fun listening and sharing a meal with him.  He returns to Italy this Saturday.... 

Well...that is it...   :)

Tuesday is somewhat gray....

My oh my...it is a gray morning.  Not one ray of sunshine anywhere!  I have much to do today, but when it is gray...all I want to  do is curl up with a good book and read.  But, alas this is not to be, at least not this week. 

Yesterday was a sunny cool day and I loved it.  No sweating!  No asthma!  Just a beautiful day inside and out!  Oh well, there is nothing I can do about the gray, so I will just continue to work my plan.  :)

Yesterday was a wonderfully busy day.  I vacuumed, mopped, did laundry, cooked a delicious roast beef dinner, cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen...Seth did all the dusting and was taught how I clean a bathroom.  (I am beginning to train him on how to properly, well at least the way I do it, clean a home.  Bathroom now...laundry next.)  Anyway, by the time my husband was home....the house was clean, laundry basically done and the smell coming from the crockpot was amazing.  He was so glad to be home.

I made a flourless gravy that my guys seem to enjoy.  I put squash in the crockpot with my roast.  I cooked everything for 4 hours on high.  Removed the roast and allowed to set.  Took what was in the crockpot and ran it through my Vita-Mix with a little extra water and about 1/4 cup of milk and wahlah!!!  A delicious gravy that even my son enjoyed.  A beef drippings, squash and onions.  I didn't even need to season it!  I think this would qualify for a Paleo Diet that so many of my friends are on.  It was great!!!

Well, time for work! 

I no longer have a very dirty white front door.....

Today is the second day of August.  The summer is almost over!   I am usually not a fan of summer.  I don't like the heat and humidity.  I don't like the bouts with asthma.  I don't like the listlessness that I seem to experience during the non-schooling months.  BUT....this summer is different.  I have been busy...very busy.  Much is getting done and for a service person...productiveness is so very important!  I do believe that productiveness to a service person, such as myself, equates ....  life! 

Being depressed for so long causes unproductiveness which in turn causes more depression which causes more unprod....   Well, you get the idea.  If I am not being productive then I feel worthless and that is not a good feeling at all.   So, this summer, thanks to my step-daughter's visit, productivity is at an all time high and I am truly loving it!

This does not mean that I have not had any frustrations in my so called productivity, by no means, but I am happy that I finally have some energy and am back to doing what I love.  Homemaking....

This week's project has been my front door.  It has been a chore.  But...it is finally painted.  It was a dirty job and it is no where near perfect, but it is clean and fresh!

The door was born in 1946 and getting the old paint off was hard.  I never could get it all off...

Ugly....

Messy....

Pitted...

More pittedness....

Even more pittednesses....

After being spackled, sanded, vacuumed, primed and painted with two coats of paint....I finally have my gray door!  Like I said...it isn't perfect, but it is fresh and clean and prayerfully welcoming.  :)

I still have to razor blade the paint off the windows, wash the windows and buy a new door knocker (or paint the old one black)...but it is basically done. 

I was planning on doing this job in two days....LOL...it took me four!  Every project is taking me twice as long as I had expected!!  Therefore, I am only shooting for one project a week.  This way I will not be rushed nor disappointed.  I am hoping to have most things done before homeschooling lessons begin.  Then I will begin the schooling and Christmas chores....it is never ending, is it?  Sigh....

Yet, my rooms are decluttered, my bathroom and front door are painted, and three windows have new curtains.  Next.. The Laundry Room!!!  :)

Curtains, curtains, curtains...

Today I finished a project!!!!  I finished my bedroom curtains!  Simple, but new, fresh and clean! 

Yes, they are simple, but I like them.  I like them so much that my entire house is going to be done in these simple panel curtains.  Different colors and patterns, of course, but in this primitive style.  I have three rooms already done...

Here is my painted and clean bathroom.

I have yet to make my shower curtain, but the monochromatic color scheme makes my bathroom look a bit larger than it is.  I have other material I am going to make for curtains here, too.  A colorful floral, but this curtain will do for now!  :)

My computer room was in complete disarray prior to my step daughter's visit.

It has since been decluttered and rearranged a bit.  I also made the primitive curtains out of some material that I already had....I think it looks much better.

Tons of paper, books and junk went out the front door in trash bags for the dump and boxes to a home school book store to be sold.   The room actually has an echo!  :)

There is still much to do around the house, but I do believe a nice large dent has been made.  I was hoping to get the entire inside of the house painted by September, but I don't know.  Painting takes time....lots of time.  We will see....

My husband and my son has worked hard this morning mowing and edging the lawn.  It was nice a cool this morning so it wasn't so unbearable for them.  The house has been vacuumed and I am getting ready to cut up some peppers from my garden.  I am hoping to get to BJ's today and maybe to Home Depot.  Tomorrow is the LORD's Day and I plan on getting some must needed rest! 

Have a great day!

Friday morning ponderings....

I am sitting here at my dining room table sipping on a hot cup of coffee once again.  Every morning starts the same way...sitting at my dining room table sipping on a hot cup of coffee.  Sigh...

For the past few days I have been hand sewing my bedroom curtains while watching The Hobbit and all three other Peter Jackson "Ring" series.  I am about to start the Star Wars series...I am down to the hemming of the curtains.  My fingers are so sore, but I have enjoyed the process of my ancestral mother's tasks.  I don't think I have done a great job, but I like what I see so far. 

Yesterday was so gray until about 5 p.m.  Then the sun came out and the world was bright and beautiful.  The rains have terribly affected my yellow squash plants.  I am pulling them all today.  My corn isn't up to snuff either.  It is sad looking actually.  The sweet potatoes are ready to be pulled I think...They are very small.  I have gotten a few green bell peppers as deformed as they can be.  I am going to pull my garden as soon as I can and then compost it, cover it with black plastic and let it rest for the fall.  Obviously my soil is in need of replenishing and rest....a new kind of R and R!  :)

Sometimes I wonder if gardening is really worth it.  It takes up so much time and I have not been able to give it my time for the past few years.  This year is because of all the work inside the house.  Next year will be all the work outside the house...Lord Willing....  My survival does not depend on my garden, at least not yet.  Therefore, everything else takes priority.  Sad, but true.  I am terribly disappointed in my gardens and my so called gardening skills.  I look at a friend's garden on line and just cringe at the thought of mine.  Oh well, maybe someday.

I am beginning to wonder if everything I do is kind of worthless.  In one area of Christendom  I am right on target...or at least aiming in the right direction.  In another area of Christendom I am totally off the mark.  I sure wish there was a happy medium.  I know there must be...somewhere. 

Is it wrong to want a nice clean living environment?  Nothing fancy...just a clean homey dwelling to call "home"?  Jesus had no place to lay his head.  Is it wrong to support people from afar through prayer and small financial gifts?  Jesus was in full time God and God alone kind of work.  Is my little world for His Glory or my reputation?  Would I look back and turn into salt, too?  (Sitting here at my dining room table can be...well...thought provoking.)

Anyway, another day that the LORD has given me...hemming and shopping are on the agenda for today. 

Sighing....

Me oh My......

I am sitting here at my dining room table making a shopping list and sipping on a hot cup of coffee while the washer and dryer are laboring on their first loads of the day.  There is much to be done...

For the past several weeks I have battled a sinus infection, right ear infection, bronchitis, depression and feeling totally overwhelmed.  I have wanted to declutter my home for a couple of years now.  I have also wanted the rooms of my little bungalow to have a fresh coat of paint.  The problem with all these wants?  I have to do them all by myself!  No help, hence the overwhelmed feeling leading to depression.

We received a call from my husband's eldest daughter, Susan; she and her husband and three daughters wish to come and visit and stay at our place.  Yikes!!! 

Depression, I believe, causes dirt, dust and yuck to accumulate.   It also causes nasty films to appear on bathroom walls, sinks, toilets, tubs and floors, as well as, every window in a home.  Corners become a catch all for every tracked in leaf, pine needle or freshly mowed grass!  Dust bunnies become full grown brown camouflaged RABBITS and they multiply....quickly!  Doors become so smudged and dirty that one cannot really remember the original color.  Yep...depression is a dirty business!

Cure for the depression nasties....A visit that includes a beautiful young granddaughter adopted from China and THE set of familial longed for twin cuties that one has never personally met.  Yep...that will get one's depressed hinny off the couch and into frantic action!!!  :)

While I was sick...the bathroom got painted, curtains got made, the impassable computer room was decluttered and scrubbed until it shined.  As I was healing from all my ailments...each room suffered the same fate of an unexpected visit!  Walls, woodwork and floors washed.  Ceilings, furniture, knick knacks dusted.  Windows cleaned.  Doors scrubbed.  My little bungalow is almost ready for all the pink that will be flooding my home this Wednesday!

Yesterday was clean my son's room day.   Oy Vay!!!  I have never seen so much dust!  No wonder he wakes up with a stuffy nose!  After debriding his floors, window and behind every piece of furniture--I do believe that his room was and is painted with a lighter color than what I have been seeing for the last year or so!  We packed up all his prized possessions and put them (temporarily) in the attic.  Legos and 18 month olds do not go well together.  I must say that I am amazed that I do not like the sparseness of his room.  All that makes my son's room reflect my son is gone....I would rather have the Legos, Nerf guns, sports paraphernalia covering his room....It communicates life!  My son's life!  So, I am not going to moan when everything comes back down from the holding space between me and the sky.  I kind of miss it!!!

Today is errand day...Good Will, Moore's Expression, Dollar store, BJ's and Walmart.  Well, at least I will be out of the house!  

Here I am running around trying to make my little world clean, fresh and orderly....the world around me seems to be falling apart.    Egypt, Syria, and even the streets of my own country seems to be joining the chaotic party!  I was sort of wandering what would cause turmoil in America----and of course, it would be a racial issue.  Sigh...Governments are falling and the disgruntled of USA are flooding the streets over a media frenzied racially charged murder case that ended in a not guilty verdict.  We are so.....American!  

Babies are being killed everyday in abortion clinics and there is no real outcry!   Our sports figures, celebrities, and government officials are paid so much money that it is sickening while our military, teachers, firemen, policemen, and other public servants are barely hanging on with no relief in sight.  Our country (and world for that matter) is going down and going down fast!!!  Come Lord Jesus, Come!

While our privileged are being pampered....our poor are praying.  Praying for food...to make it to the end of the month...for jobs....   This may not be such a bad thing though....at least they are looking for God to supply their needs.  I do believe the harvest IS ripe, not only in the USA, but also the world.  Watch closely....times like these are just what satan is looking for in order to bring out the Antichrist.  What better place to start but in America!  The richest, most spoiled and pampered country in all the world!  

Sigh....     

The Good News...

There are times when living the gospel is hard. 

When your husband isn't perfect.
When your daughter messes up her life and thus yours.
When your son can't read and he is fifteen.
When your house is a mess and no matter how hard you work it still looks the same.
When your weight goes up more than down.
When your purpose seems so mundane that it hurts to wake up in the morning.
When children lie, disrespect and then challenge you about it.
When friends lose it right in front of you.
When you have to stick to your guns even though you don't want to.

Yes, the gospel is hard, but I believe Jesus said it would be.   Luke 14:28....Jesus talks about counting the cost.  The gospel cost God the Father His Son...the gospel cost Jesus His very flesh, and separation from the Father...the gospel cost the weeping of the angels (I assume) witnessing their King being beaten and tortured.  Count the cost...

The gospel is the good news.  The good news is Jesus.  Jesus is the exact replication of God the Father on Earth and God is all righteous LOVE.  Therefore, the good news is being able to be like Jesus and speak in love..."Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"....

I know that the good news is the difference between a Christ less and a Christ filled eternity, but it is even so much more.
It is being empowered to glorify God, in the Name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit to live out this good news kind of love as one already walking on the streets of gold....here on earth.  That is really really good news!!!

Being able to love that imperfect husband, daughter, and son.  Being able to love the work that God has given you...no matter how mundane it is.  Being able to love sinful children and friends and stick to your guns---IN CHRIST!!!  It is all good news, but it does come with a cost.

Dying to self....over and over again...and then stop taking about what it is that is causing this death...It is Gods' not yours anymore...if you are living in the good news. 

Enduring until the end...patience, deference, consistency...over and over again...and then stop fretting over what is being endured.  It is Gods' not yours anymore...if you are living in the good news.

Loving sinners...saved or unsaved...it doesn't matter....over and over again...praying not prying over their sinful or frustrated behavior.  They are Gods'.  The battles belong to the LORD...not you...if you are living in the good news.

Being consistent...even when you are tired, frustrated, disappointed...being steadfast for the sake of training your children, because they are Gods' first and then yours...if you are living the good news.

Am I living the good news?  This radical...upside down lifestyle that has the USA and other nations in an uproar kind of good news?  Let's face it...the only reason we, as believers aren't shacking up, aborting, abusing our family and friends is Jesus and the Good News! 

It seems to me that living "RADICALLY" for God, in the Name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit...is hard, in the flesh, but supernatural in the Spirit.  That is the Great News!  Followers of Jesus the Messiah can and do live on a different plane than the unbelievers.  We act differently.  We talk differently.  We dress differently.  We sing differently.  We love differently!  Not as the world does, but as the Messiah did and still does!  Even more Good News...Jesus STILL LOVES US and sits at the right hand of the Father...interceding for us...in Love.

When people have died and returned to life, by the will of the Father...they all speak of two things.  Number one...A bright clean white light and Number two an all encompassing LOVE!  God IS LOVE!  Hence, because we are His--we, too, can love this miraculous way of life right here on this fallen terrestrial ball we call earth! 

I believe I am writing this for my benefit, because this is really hard for me.  I am so full of MYself that I can stop the flow of heavenly love by my own sin...this distresses me greatly.  Being raised in a home where everyone fought and looked out for number one and number one only--and if this was done in the most sarcastic and degrading way...it was praised!  I was truly filled with all manner of selfish self love one could imagine....BUT ....I am no longer that person.  I am a new creation!  I have a new spirit, a new identity and a new home....therefore. a new way to live....The Good News Way!

It is sad how I seem to forget this divine truth!  Why?  Oh my!  Why would I forget this life giving truth when God has given me everything and everybody?  Why do I constantly go back to my cesspool of self as a dog returns to his vomit?...when I should be dwelling and backstroking in the "I will never thirst" water every minute of every day?  

SIN...plain and simple.  My sin.  My sin is familiar...believe it or not...even comfortable.  It justifies my behavior.  It soothes my temper.  It creates an escape from what ails me!  LIES....all LIES!  satan is the father of LIES!  I am choosing a fallen angel of disgrace and depravity over the only true and living Saviour and King.  Stupidity seems to be a gifting given to all who follow the fallen one.

The Good News...the Gospel....The Holy Begotten Son of God...has freed you and me from our sin!  We can live in love.  I am not talking Hollywood romance novel movie going kind of love...that is lust...there is a difference!  But the Love that comes from the Father.  The love that grows when we grow in Messiah...  The love that turned the world upside down with only 1 God/Man and 12 obedient disciples!  

We are not sinless..even if we are in Messiah, but we are saved to live beyond this sinful unregenerated flesh and live in the Good News...which is divine LOVE.  Yes, we do live on a different plane, and LOVE is the soil in which we are planted and grow. 

1 Corinthians 13

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.



\o/