Rain to snow...

It has  been raining or drizzling for about three days now at the Beale Bungalow.  Snow is forecasted for tonight and we may get about 1 inch of snow by morning.  It will be nice to see some of the white stuff on the ground.  Everything is so gray now and I believe snow would improve the view from my windows. 

This morning I went to a coffee house with my best girl friends for about 1 and 1/2 hours this morning.  It was nice to see them so early and still be able to go do some shopping and then finish homeschooling lessons with my son.  It turned out to be a nice day, even with the gray sky.

So, what have I done to love my family and make their day sweeter.  Well, beds made, house straightened, more laundry done and schooling lessons complete.  I also have a cast iron dutch oven filled with homemade beef vegetable stew simmering on the back burner of my stove.  I am getting ready to open one of my mason jars filled with summer peaches to make a peach crisp for dessert tonight.  I think my guys will definitely feel loved from my efforts through the Holy Spirit today.  Though the house is darken because of the lack of sunshine...I am hoping and praying that the aromas of my kitchen and the candles burning will brighten their day.  Sigh...

The talk of snow, which is a rarity here in Virginia, has me thinking of the verse that says, "Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."  Isa. 1:18. 

Salvation is something that I believe I have taken for granted.  I mean--I am saved--I have fire insurance--let me live as I want.  There is a question that a dear friend will sometime ask, "How is it working for ya?"  Well, this nominal Christianity isn't really working for me.  Oh, I know that I will never be a little Billy Grahamette, but I can make a difference where God has placed me. 

Now, where has God placed me?  The Beale Bungalow.  This is my greatest sphere of influence, and I fail daily, but God is good and His mercy is new every morning.  I feel as though I have a new calling and it is my old calling...I just have a new heart attitude about my old calling.  It sure seems better and working out my salvation has a sweeter taste about it. 

Salvation, Jesus making my sins white as snow, should permeate every area of my life.  What I do, what I watch, what I speak, how I speak, what I wear, where I go, what I listen too...etc.  When it snows everything gets covered.  It may melt due to some heat, but snow falls on everything.  Jesus' atoning work in living the perfect life, dying on the cross and then rising from the dead falls on everyone!  Some people may melt the atoning work of Jesus right off themselves because the heat of this world means more to them...then others will gladly receive the atoning work of Jesus and be renewed...Fresh, white, non-trodded receiving this freshness every moment of the day.  Thank you, Jesus for your obedience to the Father. 

Sharon

They are new every morning....

[They are] new every morning: great [is] thy faithfulness. 

This verse is from Lamentations 3:23.  The book of affliction written by the prophet Jeremiah.  He and the Jewish nation had much to lament about, but in the midst of everything that God was allowing in Israel...Jeremiah was reminding them and us that God's mercies are new every morning and  His faithfulness is great!!!  I find this so comforting this morning as I sit her and ponder my day.

I have allowed satan to thwart my thoughts and obedience to my Heavenly Father, and not only does this sadden me, but it also maddens me.  So, for today (this is all that I am promised) I am resolving to love the LORD my God with all my heart, all my soul and all my strength.  Yes!!

It is a very gray, rainy and cold day outside my little bungalow, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, I want to serve God by making it sunny, pleasant and warm inside my little bungalow.  This is my calling for today..January 16, 2013.

There are chores to be done, with a cheerful heart.  Homeschooling also, with a cheerful heart.  All of these things are gifts from the LORD...work for my hands, work for my brain, work for my family = work for God.  I have forgotten this equation over the past few years.  I am sorry for this.

Yes..there is much for me to do today.

Pick up and put away
Make my bed
Do some laundry-from start to finish
Clean the kitchen
Clean the bathroom
Vacuum the floors
Dust the furniture

Schooling lessons with Seth

A time of rest for me with a nice cup of tea

Then prepare supper.

Tonight my son goes to Royal Rangers.
 
Oh, I am still deeply concerned for my wayward daughter...I will pray, praise, and pray some more for her during my day, but satan isn't going to pierce me with his lying darts and arrows today.  I have my Heavenly Father's mercy and His steadfast love today and forever!

AMEN!!!

Once again...

Once again--my heart is broken.  My wayward, beautiful daughter called this morning and tore me apart.  I know that I wrestle not against flesh and blood, but it all still hurts. 

My daughter was raised very conservatively and in a Christian home, yet she has made several God-less choices and is suffering, greatly.  This is very hard to watch from afar.  We live in Virginia, she lives in New Jersey.  

Today, everything was my fault.  "I raised her too conservatively because it doesn't work in the real world."  She married against our will and out of the faith, so she is reaping what she has sown.  She is in the blame game now.  It is so hard.

Love her...don't talk to her...leave her alone....pray for her.  These are some of the things I am being told.  I really don't know what to do.  She is 28 and there really isn't anything I can do.  

It just really hurts. 

Newton, Conn....

Tragedy... 
We ask why...
We ask where was God...
We feel shock, pain terror...

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

I can't explain it.  I just know it is true.

If I didn't believe this truth...I know that I would probably kill, too.  I have had several reasons to be justified in this "probability" during my 52 years on this earth, but knowing God as truth prevents me from this terrible "probability". 

I am reminded of the Jewish baby boys, two years and under, that were killed in Bethleham after Jesus' birth.  Senseless...Rachael weeping for her children.  The feelings of the United States are the same feelings shared with Israel over that incident of the slaughter of innocent children. 

This Christmas, there will be Christmas gifts unopened.   Sadness will abound in Newton and other towns where families and friends of these babies live.  Yet, instead of sitting on Santa's lap...there are twenty children and hopefully 6 adults that will be sitting in the very lap of Jesus the Messiah.  

This is how I am making any sense out of this terrible tragedy; because of God's loving character is why I can say...God is good all the time and all the time God is good. 

My heart is still saddened, but I still have hope in Jesus...

Catch up...

I know that I have not been blogging as of late.  There are some very good reasons for my absence.  I have been experiencing the valley after the mountain top high.  Boy, it sure is an extremely long way down.....

I really tried to raise my daughter for the glory of the LORD, but since she has been eighteen...she has made some pretty poor choices and  has been experiencing the consequences of said choices.  With each telephone call with 'Restricted' visible I would shudder...what is it this time? 

My heart would break and I would immediately get an upset stomach with each tear and cry for help my beautiful, brown eyed, curly headed daughter would utter.  Oh, the pain!  There is no salve, no medication, no herb that can take away the constant pain of a mother's ache when her child is hurting and in trouble.   In the movie "Loving Leah" the mother of Leah made this statement.."A mother is only as happy as her saddest child."  I can personally attest to the truth of that very wise statement!

God is working and, as I tell my children, God does not work in 'onesies'.  (You know...like the game Jacks.  God scoops up all the jacks and works on them all at the same time.)  He is working on my daughter and her family...me and my family and in the lives of those who are truly praying for her.  I see His Hand of mercy and provision throughout this whole painful, draining experience.  Thank you Abba!!!

Since this whole mess...God has healed my marriage and made my husband a much stronger believer than before.  He has provided a FREELY GIVEN 2003 Honda Pilot for me!  He has healed my bitter and fearful heart in so many ways that it is hard for me to communicate this to whoever is reading this....He is paying for our Christmas..and this is without the third payday in the fall..AMAZING!!  He has given my little family a love for His Word and the desire to be obedient in a way we have never known...There really are too many blessings to mention that have occurred because of my daughter's crisis.  God is good all the time and all the time God is good!

It is looking like Christmas at the Beale Bungalow.  Devotions are so heart changing this year and all for about 4 dollars!  We are concentrating more on giving gifts to Jesus this year.  God has been so good to us that we know He would like for us to honor Him with gifts as well.  My son is learning that it is not about "him" but all about "Him". 

Some gifts have been bought and are getting wrapped.  Baking is beginning.  Parties are happening...but it is different this year.  God is really present in this year's Christmas.  I must say that it is making this festive season much more meanful and truly much more enjoyable!!

I know that trials and tribulations come...but...God is always in the midst of them and that is what today's blog is about.

Glory to His Name!!!!

Sharon

Friday relived...

Yesterday was a day that only the Holy Spirit could understand and relay my groaning, moaning and tears to the Throne Room of my God.  In other words....I was an emotional mess! 

I have not been sleeping well for the past few nights, so of course, I was tired; this always makes me vulnerable to my roller coaster emotions, never ending ponderings and unrelenting fears.  I was in the bathroom when I heard my husband come back through the front door.  He had already left for work.  Car trouble...yet again..

A few minutes later, I was drinking a cup of coffee at my dining room table and I was in no mood for the whining and the sighing coming from my husband.  This car thing has been going on for over a year now; though it has escalated since March...5th to be exact.  The ostrich needs to get his head out of the sand and do what is needed to be done.

One thing I do not like done to me is this...to be touched when I am totally frustrated and headed for a melt down.  I needed to inform the ostrich that he was an ostrich.  I did not yell, scream or pitch a fit...I just informed the ostrich that his way of handling things was no longer acceptable.

Too many things in our life were broken and in need of repair.  The car--the back door leak--the kitchen sink sprayer--the hood over the stove--the kitchen overhead light--the fan in our son's room--our finances--our relationship with his children--our relationship with our daughter--his relationship with our son--our marriage of 30 years...all broken....all in need of repair.

Again, there was no yelling, no screaming, no pitching a fit...just an honest expression of the obvious....

I proceeded to get busy in the kitchen...I canned some Polish Dill Pickles then I worked out in my gardens.  All the while, I could feel the welling up of boiling hot emotions that I have been trying to keep stuffed deeply down in the hidden caverns and crevices of my soul. 

I despise hurting people, especially my husband.  He has a fragile sense of self worth and I get no pleasure adding to his "I can't do anything" mentality-that was carefully laid down before my entering into his life.  I have been dodging this mentality for all these years, but what good has this done him or our family?

After the work in my garden was done I decided that I needed to be alone, maybe some much needed prayer time, so off to my half painted bedroom I went.  I could not verbally pray!  All I could do is cry!  

There were no words that could or would fit what I was experiencing at the time...absolutely no words!  This was frustrating for me because words are important to me, but I could not communicate anything to my LORD.  I knew that He knew what I was going through, so I just continued to let my tears fall.

If I could just get it all out then I could feel better and function...this was my thought process at the time, but the crying then started to change!  Deep groaning started...it was as if past pains and hurts were trying to resurface. When will all these horrid memories go away?  The past pain has nothing to do with my present turmoil, so why are these thoughts making themselves known, once again?  

I began screaming into my pillow...the tears were totally flooding my face, pillowcase and sheets.  It was hard for me to breathe--the pain was so intense.  With each exhale came more moans and screams...again, I could not even think of a word to say to God during all this.  Pain from my childhood started racing through my thoughts.  The beatings I took...the fears I felt...the words that I heard...the abandonment I endured....all came rushing back!  These thoughts were mingled with all my failures...my problem child, my weight gain, my slothfulness, my depressions, my complaining and critical heart.  Every sinful thought, every sinful act, every sinful disposition was present and accounted for.....

Germany, Washington, Tennessee, North Dakota, Virginia. All the things that happened in these Air Force stations came crashing out of the hidden caverns of my heart. The sexual, emotional, physical and mental abuse of my parents, teachers, even distant family and so called friends....decided to come and tarry with me yesterday.

As I was reliving this hell...I saw Jesus...bloodied and being beaten.  With each insult that was done to me...Jesus took a blow!  With each sin I saw me doing...Jesus took a blow!  My groaning and moaning took on a deeper tone...as if my gut was turning inside out! 

The beating of Jesus continued...I saw blood everywhere!  I could not see His face for all the blood!  He was on the cross, hanging there, bleeding, being beaten because of MY sin!  Because of others sins that was done to me!  I was so distraught at this point that I honestly struggled to breathe and yet the crying and the screaming continued.  When will this end!

 My sin kept coming...from my early aged sins to my present aged sins and Jesus just kept getting bludgeoned to death with each memory.  I found myself asking God to quit beating Him!  Stop beating Him!!  Don't hit Him anymore!!! 

I noticed my deep groaning and moaning became more like plain ol' crying.  The tears still flowed freely and my pillow was now totally soaked.  I could not nasally breathe because of all the crying.  I was hot and sweaty, but still crying....

It was at this point that I saw a plump, dirty,  filthy, bug infested, crusty eyed, bloody, bleating, matted fleeced, black lamb...caught in thorny vines and stinking mud.  I could tell that the little lamb had been struggling because it too, had bleeding gashes and sores in it's flesh.  This little lamb was entangled in the vines and mud, but too tired to wrestle against them anymore.  So, it just laid there in the pain and the muck, occasionally bleating....my crying is calming down now.

As I focused on this pitiful lamb...I saw a beautiful, large, masculine hand reach down and gently pick up this poor, wounded, fatigued creature.  There was no sign of this hand or arm or chest trying to hold this lamb without getting dirty.  This hand now became two hands, two arms, lovingly caressing this filthy, smelly, exhausted animal. There was no more bleating heard...my crying was quietening now...

These hands and arms were attached to a body that was so big and yet normal size at the same time. Glowing. Clean.
White. Bright.  I just laid there taking in the sight.  I knew Who this was...Jesus!  My risen Saviour!! 

Jesus then started to turn His body away from me, but for some reason I was not alarmed by this at all.  I just laid there on my bed, hugging my tear soaked pillow, breathing more calmly and quietly.  Watching in my heart of hearts... the graceful rotation of my LORD's body.

Slowly the rotation was completed and Jesus stopped back in His orginial place.....right in front of me.  I looked up and saw a beautiful, clean, white, groomed, healthy lamb in His arms.  There was no more struggle.  There was no more blood.  There was no more bleating.  There was no more stench.  There was no more mud.  There was no more crusty eyes.  There was no more bug infestation. There was no more matted fleece.  There was  just a beautiful, clean, white, healthy, calm sleeping lamb in His Arms. 

I woke up later in the same half painted room feeling calm and knowing that Jesus took all my blows. He bled for me.  He suffered for me.  He reached down and pulled me up out of the muck and yuck and held me, caressed me, loved me.  Through His Loving Touch..He cleaned me up and calmed me down.  I woke up peacefully and so...... thankful.  I had an encounter with my God, my King, my LORD and it has left me silent because *now* there are no words to express my appreciation for what He took for me and what He has done for me.  I awoke....in love with Jesus!

I had to write this down because I don't ever want to forget the images from heaven given to me in my deepest hour of need.  Jesus paid it all...  The sin that was done to me in the past, my sin that occurs in my present and my sin to come. Jesus has taken all my blows!!  Jesus Has Paid It All!!!!

I am still quietly basking in this Holy Experience.  May it never leave me....

   

Is it Thursday already?

Thursday....are you kidding?  It can't be!  I guess my dejunking the master bedroom has made time fly.  I seem to be throwing lots of old memories out...good riddance!  I actually have two completely empty drawers in the tall dresser.  Amazing...most of it went in the trash or the Samaritan House bag.  It is kind of funny how I hold on to things.

My computer room is embarrassingly full of stuff to be sorted, stored or given away.  I think this will be the final room to be done.  It has become my storage area throughout this whole process.

I don't think my shelves are going to be built in the laundry room.  Sigh...  If I save some more money...I can buy the wood and figure it out myself.  I don't think it can be but so hard.  Measure, mark the studs, cut and nail. Hm.... 

So, what is God teaching me this week.  Time management-obviously, but also about humility and forgiveness.  Time management is being taught through deep cleaning my house...I have 4 weeks to get my house in shape before our formal homeschooling starts up again.  Yikes!!

Humility--God, my Father, is teaching me this through a car that has stranded me twice now.  Yesterday, the police were involved....sigh...  One of the policemen, the older gentleman, said I needed to buy a new car.  (Portsmouth's finest--really?!)  I was practically in tears and causing a major traffic jam at London and Effingham at 4:10p.m!  Needless to say, some people were not so kind and I had to just sit or stand there and take it. Sigh.... The younger policeman, a true gentleman, got my car started and got me into a parking lot away from traffic.  Putting it in neutral was the key.   I left in silent tears...

Forgiveness--God, my Father, is teaching me this through my husband.  I was so mad at him because there have been signs of car trouble for a long time now.  If it is broke, fix it..
Oh well, my husband was very apologetic and I have to learn to forgive him of his many short comings.  He does forgive me my many short comings.  And God forgave us both!  Forgiving one another is not a suggestion....it is a command.

I have some more cucumbers!  I am going to make some Kosher Dill Pickles with these.  I can't wait to do them.  Maybe this evening....  I LOVE DILL PICKLES!

I am going to throw out the fermented pickles!  They are nasty...I will try again later.

Well, that is it for today. 

Sharon