Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Time well spent...

Since my last post I have spent a lot of time talking and being with God and I must say that my thoughts have become somewhat clearer. My Bible study, Attitudes of a Transformed Heart, by Martha Peace has also been extremely helpful. I am beginning to hear from God again...and it is so nice...sort of like reuniting with an old friend, only better. :)

These past couple of days have been productive, and if you knew me, that is a big boost. It is as though God is taking me by the hand and leading me to one chore and then to the next chore and so on. Even my husband has noticed that the house is slowly getting cleaned and back in order. I truly thank God for this blessing.

I do believe God has given me a small ministry, and it is right up my alley. Go figure!! I am not going into it now, but I am excited about it. There is more than one way to serve in the kitchen. And to think all this has come out of my daughters trials and tribulations. I will explain everything later...I don't feel like getting mad. God has taken this emotion and is moving through me to meet a very simple need that will become more and more prevelant in days to come, but I get to start soon...It amazes me how good and loving my Heavenly Father is. All this time He has been preparing me for the days to come. :)

Well, that is all for now. It sure feels good to feel good!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Just thinking out loud...

There are times when I think life is getting the better of me. Nothing has turned out the way I planned. The last three nights I have been having terrible nightmares; they are just a reflection of what my waking hours are. So, what to do? What to do?

I have been around long enough to know that I need to go to God. I know that He loves me and my family. His plans are not my plans. He cares more about our becoming more like Jesus than our peaceful American dreamlike comfort.

It is just that I really don't fit in anywhere...not even my own skin. I have always heard that menopause would be like this, but I always thought I could beat it. Funny...jokes on me.

If I could close my eyes and be transported to another place it would be in the country with green everywhere. Friends coming and going. Helping out where God leads. A meal or two here. Some supplies there. Prayer all the time. All right from my little abode. Do you want to know something? The only thing missing in this fantasy is the country. Everything else is the same. Does locality make a difference? I don't think so. I do believe I will keep my mouth closed and my heart and hands open. There are lots of ways to serve right here where I am. Sigh...I think I will go spend some time with God now. :)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Steps back to my Heavely Abba

I am so clean this morning. I had a wonderful hot hot shower and my thoughts are clean. Now, Abba, create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Oh, how I want freedom from my "escape thought world". This coping mechanism is no longer working for me, plus God wants me to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. So, it is sinful to wonder off to "my" place. satan is a crafty one and I can no longer follow him into my "escape thought world". My plan of action to Love my God properly. Praise music playing all day, doing my Bible study book, and talking with Him constantly.

Having a midlife crisis, menopause, death of my expectations and a constant dose of reality is a bit unsettling for this 51 year old woman. I remember when I used to be soooo happy and contented. It was about 10 years back when my focus and life's verse was Proverbs 14:1. "A wise woman BUILDETH her house, the foolish one PLUCKETH it down with her own hands."
I did everything to build my house, but I became the focus of jokes from friends and acquaintances, and even family. So, I began to think...who cares anyway. It doesn't matter if this chore is not done or that chore is not done. My, oh my, how my life went into a tailspin when I started to stop building my house. Pluckething just came naturally. It was the buildething that was divine. I became like everyone else and I loathe that truth and myself. I am praying that my Father in Heaven will have mercy on me and allow me to start buildething once again. I know that my family would appreciate it and God would be pleased.

Why do we homebody women allow peer pressure and such to come in and take over. Is not God true to His Word? Does He not keep His promises? Why am I trusting in the opinions of others instead of obeying my loving Abba's Word?

Abba, I have sinned against You and Your Word...Please forgive me. I turn from the praise of all but You. Please help me to work hard and Buildeth my house once again. I need Your Strength and Your Energy. Help my focus to always be on pleasing You and You alone. Restore me to what You have called me. If there are bigger plans then bring them on, but I know You love the Houses of Your people and I ask You come back into my house and dwell, live, direct, love, discipline, and anything else you want to do here. Please allow me to become the woman that You truly want me to be. Help me serve You daily. If it is by serving my family and those You will place in my path...then allow that honor to fall on me with Your Love and Strength....not mine.

To You O God be the Glory!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

There are times when one just has to stop and re-evaluate ones's life. This is the purpose of this blog. Writing or blogging has, in the past, been very cathartic and healing. I am hoping for the same results and pleasure with this new little blog of mine. What this blog will develop into I have no idea, but whatever it becomes, I pray that God will direct it and be glorified.

Life has been somewhat difficult as of late, but Love Boundaries have been drawn and now re-evaluation has begun. I do believe that when I write out my thoughts, prayers and the dailies of my life-I seem to learn better from God so that I may serve Him better and with a purer motive. I just to better with visuals...

It seems that I have a great deal more "dying to self" and "death of a vision" (better stated "death of my expectations") work to be done. So, this is where I will journal this journey. My little place of refuge-my little workroom for my soul for "Making the most of what God has given me."