Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Gray outside and gray inside...

I am extremely sensitive to the weather.  If it is gray outside--I am gray inside.  If it is thundering outside--I am thundering inside.  If it is sunny outside--I CAN be sunny inside.  Sad but true.

Today and yesterday....cloudy, gray, rainy, cooler--sigh...  So, guess my mood and demeanor.  You got it...cloudy and gray.  I did not sleep well last night.  I have been having bad dreams and not sleeping very well.  When I have these dreams I tend to clamp and hold my teeth very tightly which cause pain in my jaw and neck.  I will wake up so tired and in pain.  When my dreams are sweet or "non-existent"  I do not seem to have all this pain and fatigue.  Last night was a bad night and so this morning was not a good one. 

Mornings, my favorite time of the day.  It is when I am sort of alone and I am usually peaceful.  I adore my first cup of coffee!  It is like a reward all my own.  I make it just the way I like it and I can take all the time in the world sipping on it.  I usually sit in the dark at my dining room table....quietly pondering.  My old ponderings used to be about the home agenda for the day.  You know...what laundry needed to be done....what would I make for supper that evening...what errands needed to be done.  Here lately, my ponderings have been very dark and negative.  Why me? and why me?

It just seems to me that my family is doomed to struggle all their lives.  My daughter and her difficult disposition and marriage.  My husband and his Neurofibromatosis, inability to lead and make decisions.  My son and his learning difficulties and slow maturity.  Even my brother and his temper and inability to hold on to a job.  I can go on and on, but I won't.

So...I find myself in the valley of despair all alone.  I know that God is with me...I just know it in my head and not in my heart at the moment.  It is hard to see the face of God when the eyes of my heart are clouded over with pain.  Sigh...

This morning I was thinking about all this and I have come to the conclusion that NOTHING on this earth can make me happy, contented or secure.  NOTHING!!!  I then started to think of all the verses that I knew with "happy"  (blessed) in them.  I really didn't remember any of them saying anything about clean, freshly painted and organized houses.  Nor was happiness linked to a certain body size or even facial features.  Modern clothing styles, money in the bank, having 20 kids all beginning with the same letter or milking goats didn't make any of the lists either.  

What did make the list?  Being reproved by the LORD.  Putting trust in the LORD.  Fearing the LORD.  The list goes on and on.  None of the things that I think would make me happy is listed in the Word of God!  Why do I concentrate on American things and not God things?  I am not saying that I need not clean my house, but I do need to focus....meditate on what God says will bring happiness or blessedness to me.  

I have much to ponder....


Friday, April 19, 2013

A dream day....

Today has been a dream for me!  I have totally enjoyed my son, my god dog and my home.  It is really bewildering how one day is just glorious and another day is horrible.  Today has been the former and several days this week have been the latter.  Strange...the weather has been good, the chores are the same, but there was a joy surrounding me and indwelling me today that made everything just flow effortlessly.  :)

I started the day kissing my husband good bye and then turning around and looking at a home in complete disarray.  I was not going to let myself get down about it....I just started in straightening the house and putting things away where they belonged.  I wanted my laundry done for the weekend, so I got a load started after I changed my sheets.  Now, my husband and I have a nice clean bed to comfortably sleep in this weekend. 

I think there is nothing better than working hard all day, taking a nice cool shower (on this hot day) and then sliding in between nice, crisp, clean sheets...ahhh...

I decided to head to the kitchen...it was in a bad way, too.  I scrubbed and cleaned the sink, counters and stove so everything shined.  It was nice to have the kitchen all by myself this morning. 


                    Even my fruit seemed happy to me.

I did see something kind of sad in my kitchen...my empty cookie jar.  Gee, I thought, I wonder if my guys would like see that filled?  So....


before I knew it--The Beale Bungalow--was smelling sweet and delicious!  The outcome...a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies for my husband and a smaller batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for my son! 

            My cookie jar and friend looks happy now!!

My son was a dear and served his dad by mowing the lawn today.  We are supposed to get rain and the grass would be harder to mow this next week.

My son got it all done and now he and his dad can relax this weekend...no matter what kind of weather comes our way.

We have one of my god dogs for the weekend. Lucy.  She has been so good! 

Well, my day continued smoothly.  Schooling lessons were next.  We are down to some language arts and math material that I want to complete.  All even went well in this department today.  My son has spring fever to the point I think HE is pollinating all over the place!  But...like I said..  all went well today.

The laundry continued and now my basket is totally empty!  This is good because I am the one that does not have enough clothes to get through a weekend let along a whole week.  I am glad this is not a worry for me for the next few days.

The house was dusted-the floors vacuumed and mopped.  The bathroom scrubbed and scoured.  I even got some more books and Cd's priced, packed and placed in the back of my Honda to deliver to our church on Sunday.  There is going to be a big youth fundraising yard sale next week!  I have plenty to donate....believe me!

I put a ham in the oven on low to warm and slowly cook all afternoon.  The Beale Bungalow smells so good right now.  I think it looks pretty good now, too.

This has been a glorious day for me.  I have gotten so much satisfaction making the home that my husband is paying for--that my son calls home and my grandson calls "Grandie's!!" nice and clean and orderly.  I still have some hot spots to get to but that is for another day.  Today was day for me to get my "Suzy Homemaker" on....and I loved it!

Thinking about all that has happened this week in Boston, in Texas, and other places around the world...I just wanted to make the piece of God's world that I am responsible for orderly...clean...safe.  It is not perfect, but I know that my family believes this is the perfect place for them.  And today knowing that---makes me quite contented...


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Judea, Samaria and the ends of the earth....

Well...there seems to be a great deal going on in Judea, Samaria and the ends of the earth!

The ends of the earth first--North Korea's threats, an earthquake in Iran and Pakistan, violence leaving 7 dead in Venezuela, choking pollution in China...the list is endless.

Samaria next--Bombs at the Boston marathon, immigration laws and gun laws in Washington, Carnival Cruise lines not wanting to pay the Coast Guard, security measures are on high alert all over the USA.

Judea--The Beale Bungalow has two clean, weeded, ready for composting and planting spring and summer veggies raised beds.

This is the before picture.  Yes...I was lazy and let it get over grown with chickweed and such.  I am not going to allow this to happen this coming winter.  I am covering them.

These two beds took hours to do this past Saturday.  I guess my knee is slowing me down a bit, but weeding these beds were hard work!  This is why I am covering them this next winter...no more weeding like this again!  I only have five more beds to go...sigh...

I have been decluttering the bookshelves this week.  Three boxes of books gone and it barely made a dent in the amount of books I have accumulated over the years.  Everything seems to take so very long to do...I am pushing myself to get what I have gotten done...done!  Sheesh...

Some days I just sit back and enjoy the process.  This week I am antsy to get it done!  I just want my home decluttered, organized, painted and clean.  It is my fault for allowing it to get like this....depression is a dirty trick of satan...in more ways than one.  :(  Anyway, things are slowly getting done and I am thankful for that.

I have some flower bulbs to plant out front.  Hollyhocks and peonies.  I love seeing the butterflies and bees flitting and buzzing around my front garden.  My dianthus and purple coneflowers are coming up.  The pineapple sage is greening at the base of the old stems that have been cut back.  There are green leaves sprouting from their winter bunk beds on the hydrangea.  The yarrow, day lilies, and coreopsis (I think that is what they are called) are all beginning to wake up from their slumber and join the pollen from the pine trees.  It is definitely spring at the Beale Bungalow.

My daughter is sounding wonderful with each telephone call.  I am praying that this is the work of the Holy Spirit in her heart.  She means so much to me, as does her family.  I am still praying for a mighty work of God in their lives.  I am praying for soft, pliable hearts that the Holy Spirit can plant in and grow.  I am praying for teachable, obedient spirits, and spiritual ears to hear the call of His "still small voice".  There are prayers going up for their safety, especially for my grandson.  Warrior type prayers...I plead the protective impenetrable blood of Jesus the Messiah over them at all times.  I pray for angelic protection, too.  satan has no power over my seed!  They are being covered by prayer and promises of God.  There is still much work to be done....much war to be waged at the throne of God on their behalf.  

So...all and all...the ends of the earth, Samaria and Judea are all in the very hands of God.  Nothing has caught Him off guard.  Pray that God uses earthquakes, noisy dictators,
pollution,  cruise line woes and even Washington to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and all hearts to the Eternal Father.  

God is still good all the time and all the time God is still good!


Wednesday, April 10, 2013


Philippians 4:7 says "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." 

This verse is living within me at this very minute!  It has taken on it's own divine life and giving me life at the same time.  There is much going on in my world, yet I do have this peace that I cannot otherwise explain except that God is dwelling within this simple woman.

John 15:5 says, "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."  I know that I am abiding in Jesus and He is abiding in me.  The fruit?  Philippians 4:7!  

Sequestration is here.  The authors of sequestration purposely made this plan so distasteful that it would force the Democrats and the Republicans to work in a bipartisan partnership to prevent the plan from being enforced.  Well, the split between the two parties is so large that, obviously, partnership did not and will not happen, therefore the  governmental spending cuts are here and they are cutting deep...very deep.

Our little family is looking at somewhere between 14-22 days without pay until October.  That is a 20% cut of our income during this period.  (This calculates out to being more than our food budget every pay period.)  Wow!  That is a great deal of money for us, but I am not concerned...I am at peace.  God has and always will supply all of our needs.  

My daughter is having such a hard time.  (Much of her own making...)  She is always depressed, angry, uncontrollable, crying and wanting to commit suicide.  Yet, #1-she has not committed suicide and #2-she is a child of the King of Kings and LORD of Lords.  There is no way satan can kill her!  He has NO authority over her.  My daughter is the daughter of this same God.  God has a covenant with me and my offspring.  My God will heal my daughter and set her feet on solid ground!!  He is bound by His Word.  Peace is coming in this extremely painful area of my world.  I am, with much prayer, covering my daughter and her family with the blood and power of Jesus the Messiah!!  This is the REAL protective force field, if you will.  Nothing can penetrate the precious blood of my Saviour!!  Nothing!  By abiding in this particular Word of the LORD...the peace that passeth all understanding is present.

My son has so many learning problems and maturing problems...this, too is a source of great pain and agony in my world.  But, I learned last night that whatever the great I AM is...I possess and so does my beloved son.  He is going to read.  How do I know?  Because the One Who wrote the Bible lives inside my son and that truth alone is going to be spoken into my son by his "abiding in Christ" momma!  He will read!  God has a plan for my boy!  Here comes that peace again.

My husband is not a leader.  I am not a leader.  I am a follower.  When a wife, who is not a leader is not being led, she feels exposed!  Vulnerable!  Unsecured!  BUT, I am a follower of Jesus the Messiah!  I have a leader!  I have THE Leader!!  If I abide in Him--He WILL abide in me and fruit will grow!  I, therefore, can love and respect my husband as the man he is, by knowing that I have the Perfect Husband ready to call me to Him. 

My husband has the right, by God's Word (Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5, Proverbs 18:22..the list can go on and on) to be loved and respected and I have determined to do this, in the Power of the Holy Spirit, in the Name of Jesus, for God's Glory, until one of us leaves for Home.  This is my sacrificial life I have been called to.  " I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service."  Romans 12:1  Peace has come to our home and my marriage.

There is so much work to be done in and around my little bungalow.  Cleaning, decluttering, painting, sewing, weeding, composting, planting, canning, schooling, shopping, laundry...the list is endless.  I have the tendency to want everything done yesterday.  Patience--with myself and my work--is a bit on the low side.  BUT...the I AM is Patience, so therefore, I have patience. 

My work is not glorious, but it is necessary.  My work is forever continous.  (The laundry is proof enough of this!)  But it IS noble work, because it is what God has me doing.  I think God is more into the process of my work than the timing of my work.  Peace is creeping in on this Type A, detail oriented, left brained woman.

So, I am being truthful when I say I have peace about the furlough situation due to sequestration.  I am also being truthful when I say that the "peace that passeth all understanding" is filtering into other areas of my life.  :) 

My Heavenly Father is truly talking with me as I walk with Him.  He wants EVERYTHING!  My heart, soul, strength, thoughts, family, finances, work, plans, plants, desires, possessions, clothes, entertainment, time, hobbies, etc....He wants it all. 

Maybe I am finally willing to give it to Him.  Peace will be the result.  I certainly am ready for this "peace that passeth all understanding."  It is all mine because I have faith in God and His Word.  Sigh.....




Saturday, April 6, 2013

Thoughts on a crisp Saturday morning....

Today is Saturday, April 6, 2013.  It is a beautiful, crisp, sun filled day.  The birds are all 'twitterpated' and I am noticing a few flying insects out and about this morning.  I do believe that the season of Spring is finally here.  Good bye to the bare, gray, cold, dormant time and Hello! to the full, green, warm, fruitful time of the year.

This morning I am in pain!  :(  Everything hurts!  My neck, shoulders, hips, knees, calves, ankles and feet---all hurt.  I know what the problem is but I sure don't want to face it.  So, for now I will change the subject.

I have been watching the news--reading the news--pondering the news.  I believe the end times are upon us...at least the birth pangs of the times.  There is no fear at this point, just sadness...lots of sadness. 

Reading the news this morning I am reminded of a Sunday School lesson.  The main thought of this particular lesson was this...Non-Believers act like non-believers.  This has been my conclusion this morning.  The world is full of people that do not follow Jesus and that is why the world is going to hell in a hand basket. 

We, American believers, think that we can fight and win the battle for the soul of our country through our government officials and processes.  The majority of our leaders place their hand on a Bible that they do not believe in and take an oath to uphold a document (that they want to change to meet the criteria of modern America)  which was written by men who believed in the Sovereignty of God and the divine purpose of the United States of America--and we are frustrated that our country is going down a slippery slope at the speed of light.  It is a mockery and God will not be mocked! 

Are we called to put all of our eggs in a post modern government or are we called to follow Jesus and make disciples of men?  I am quite sure it is the latter not the former. 

I do believe that because we are Americans and have the right to vote, etc.--we should-- but this process is not to be our god...our form of North American idolatry. 

Am I as a follower of Jesus-first...living as I should for the glory of God and the evangelism of mankind?  Being an American is way down on my list...."Seek ye the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall added unto you." Matthew 6:33.  I guess God through His Holy Spirit and Word are showing me how to live on a different plane.

Am I as a follower of Jesus...living my life as a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, consumer etc. as the Logos says.  Or...am I so very much an American that I want to sit back on my hunches and live out the American dream....which from my observation is "the wide path leading to destruction." Matthew 7:13.

I, swiping my hand across my forehead, believe we have missed the mark.  We are to be evangelizing the world.  I have found myself in fearful states thinking about traveling to other countries to bring the good news of Jesus the Messiah and King.  Yet, to tell you the truth...I don't really sense God calling me to another country for this purpose.  He is wanting to use me right here.  Right here, but perhaps in a new way.  This is a matter of prayer. 

The time is short and being 52 years old...my time is shorter than yesterday.  I am beginning to see the road that I am on and its name is "the road to Damascus".  There is a change coming....

Maybe the majority of my pain is coming from within...it is called sin.  Hmmm....

Thank you, Abba for removing scales from eyes, warming hearts with Your Spirit and Your Word.


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Spring is coming and I am ready.....

It is an absolutely beautiful, sunny, crisp day outside my windows and doors.  The sky has the hopeful smile of spring like temperatures on it's horizon.  The smell on the gentle breezes seem to be announcing that warmer temperatures and gardening season is trying its best to get to the Beale Bungalow!  I, for one, am ready!  Though I did not get the snow that I prayed for this past winter....I am just ready for a different season and some different chores.

Spring fever is rising up inside of everyone I know and I am no exception to this truth.  Now that my knee surgery is behind me and I only have a few more sessions with the physical therapy side of my recovery--I can think of no better therapy--holistically speaking--than weeding, composting, planting and tending a garden!  I am sure my knee will get a good work out, but more importantly so will my spirit!  :)

I haven't really thought of all that I am going to plant, but with the view outside my window...I am beginning to plan for my garden contents.  I know that the staples will be there....tomatoes, peppers, squashes, and cucumbers.  I just don't know what else I wish to try.  Oh the endless possibilities!!!  

I am in a reflective mood today...I have come to the conclusion that I really don't understand anything!  I don't  understand how my life has turned out the way it has.  All my thoughts are jumbled....like my computer room at present.

See what I mean.  Everything is out and scattered.  I have boxes to put them in I just can't seem to get my thoughts in them.  All junky and collecting dust.  Sigh...

I would much rather my thoughts be more like my bedroom.

Neat, tidy, everything in its place, polished, painted and dust free.  Sigh.... 

I don't understand what exactly God is doing to my family.  That is another blog entry entirely.  My heart aches for the pain and misunderstandings that my little unit of love is experiencing.  I just pray that everyone would just stop and read, take to heart and live out Psalm 121.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

This would prevent a great deal of pain and fear...like I said...maybe another posting....

A nicer change of subject...I am somewhat anxious to return to my spring cleaning agenda.  I truly want my house back in order.  Painted, fresh, uncluttered...a bit of heaven on earth.  As soon as the PT department allows me to climb ladders...I will be painting!!!  I am actually getting excited about painting.  This is not me....I loathe painting walls and woodwork, but the "clean" is what I am after.  I have most of my colors chosen...I just need the okay.  :)

I have more energy today than I have had for the past couple of days.  I really think it was the holiday.  I just get plain ol' worn out after them.  I am rested and it shows this morning.  I have two loads of laundry done...a third on it's way.  The master bedroom sheets have been changed.  The house straighten, the bathroom soaking for a good cleaning, dishes washed and the awakening of the son process begun.  I think today is going to much more productive than yesterday!  Yippee!

I have an appointment to get my stitches out today.  Yes!  I will be glad when they are gone.  They just bug me, especially when I am doing my home therapy.  It will be nice to have them out.  It is one more step to being totally recovered from my surgery, and for this I am thankful!!!

Well, my washing machine and dryer have stopped.  This has allowed me to hear all the song birds outside my window.  Both sounds have their place.  Both sounds have their beauty.  One is the sound of clean clothes--the other is a sound of God's creation.  So far....I like today.



Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I am glad yesterday is over....

Resurrection Day is over, yet everyday is Resurrection Day for the follower of Jesus! 

This is a wonderful, blessed truth, and I totally believe it....but the day after a holiday, any holiday....I sink down...way down.  I think it has something to do with just being tired.  Holidays, 100%, fall on me, and it totally wears me out.  So, needless to say, yesterday was not a good day for me.

I woke up and everything seemed okay, but I made a mistake in my scheduling.  I thought I was getting these bothersome stitches out of my knee.  I woke my son up and we rushed off to my doctor's office only to find out that my appointment isn't until Wednesday.  Bummer!  (I actually had a physical therapy appointment at 2 p.m. with stitches intact.)  :(

Okay, back up and regroup.  I was not starting schooling lesson until Tuesday, so my son and I went on to 17th Street Surf Shop and bought his skate board.  I don't do baskets at Easter, so my husband and I decided to get our son a gift card.  He has been wanting a new skateboard, so we put a sum of money on the card and he would have to pay whatever went over that sum.  Needless to say, our son was thrilled with his Easter gift and gladly put in the remaining amount to purchase the board he wanted.  (I also explained by putting up a portion of the money he would be more satisfied and realized that nothing comes "free".) 

I do believe that our son had a great time picking and choosing the board, trucks and wheels.  He got exactly what he wanted.  Every now and then he would look to me for approval...I would just smile and say it is your board not mine (Thank you, Abba!!) and he would have to foot the final bill.  So, the decisions were his and his alone.  The dread locked gentleman that waited on us was so very nice.  I was watching him and I noticed that he kept looking at my son...then I realized that he realized that my son was different.  Slower than the average 15 year old and definitely conversationally awkward.  What I admired about this salesman...he treated him with respect and talked with both of us, not just me.  This made me feel much better and I will go back to this shop.  :)

We then ventured over to BJ's and we did some grocery shopping.  This is where I noticed a problem....my leg was getting really tired.  It was like it didn't want to move--at all!!!!  I became worried and really wanted to head for home.   My son, who was anxious to try out his new board, had no objections to cutting our outing short and going home.

After the groceries were put away....I ended up taking some pain medication and resting on the couch until my PT appointment.  While I was resting...my thoughts started wondering and I found myself in a funk.  Tearing up prior to having my knee painfully bent is not a good thing.  Prayer flares went up...tennis shoes went on and before I knew it I was out the door and on my way.

Therapy went quite well...my knee is getting stronger and more limber.  The therapist thought that my Birkenstock shoes I always wear were causing my leg to be sluggish.  Not enough posterior support...so, I am going to have to go and buy new shoes.  (For the average woman this would be a great pleasure , but for me...a drag....I despise shopping.)  I haven't bought anything for myself in so long....I have no idea where to even begin.  I guess I will have to count on my friends for help in this area.....sigh...

Anyway...as I said my therapist was so very pleased with my progress that he sent me home to ice my own knee.  :(  I was hoping he would put that icing compression wrap on my leg again.  I really loved that!  I could have "danced all night" after having that treatment, but alas, it was not to be....home I went...for a date with my old blue/gray ice pack.  sigh....

I needed to veg out some...."The Hobbit" fit the bill.  I just sat with my trusty old ice pack on my knee and my friend's dog at my side and watched this movie.  My son was outside on his skateboard, of course, and I was inside trying to not be so down. 

Since I was not in the most festive of moods I decided that I would try a new recipe for supper.  A casserole of course...I didn't want a bunch of dishes to clean up afterwards.  I think the fitting word for this is "Laziness".  Yep, I wanted to be lazy, so I found this little recipe and it was actually good.  My husband gave it a 10 on a scale of 1-10.  My son said 10, as well, but I don't think he really liked it much.  He was just trying to boost my morale.  I thought it was sweet of him at any rate.

Here is the recipe:


1 pound of hamburger-browned and seasoned

2 cups of grated potatoes

2 cups of cooked corn


That is it....now...I added onion and browned them with the hamburger.

After the hamburger is browned...cover with the grated potatoes.  On top of the potatoes....spread the cooked corn.  Then cover the whole meal with cheese.  I used American cheese slices, but you could use any cheese...sliced or grated of your choice and availability. 

Cover the skillet with a lid.

Put the heat on low.

Simmer until bubbling in the middle occurs.  About 20 minutes.

Tahdah!!!  That is it.  A complete meal in one skillet. (Next time I make this I will add a side salad or fruit, just for a nicer balance).

It was so easy and quick!

Well, that was my day...Everything really went well, it was just that my mind was focused on what I didn't have instead of what I did have.  Shameful!  I figured it out by the time I went to bed.  When my thoughts get like this...I have a hard time fighting them, because the thoughts are all true.  I just don't know how to either change the reasons for these thoughts or to die to the reasons of these thoughts.  Hmmm...

So, today I am up and moving.  There are wonderful homey things on my to do list today.  Schooling lessons, laundry, straighten house, vacuum, weed one garden and maybe plant a couple of plants.  There will be more therapy for me this afternoon then another simple supper.  At least the sun is shining and the air is fresh and clean.