Thursday, January 30, 2014

Quiet .....

Snow is lying quietly on the ground.  My husband is sleeping off his cold in his chair.  My son is in bed with an aspirin on the back of his throat. (A tried and true way of warding off a sore throat.)  All the laundry is done.  The house is straight.  Nothing actually needs to be done at the moment, except for schooling lessons.  All is quiet in and at the Beale Bungalow. 

I have been pondering my purpose for today.  All of the above, plus--prayer.  Praying for friends that just need to be told by God that they are loved.  Praying for friends that need to be freed from bondages causing them and their loved ones so much pain.  Praying for jobs, healings, guidance, strength, patience, traveling mercies and so very much more.  I think this is my purpose for today....

Oh, there is much that I could be doing....schooling my son, sewing my dining room curtains, sewing a wall hanging for my mom, reading a couple of new books, studying God's Word...but here I sit...listening to my husband's non labored breathing, thanks to a dose of Dayquil and wondering if I should be more productive today. 

It is cold and wet outside.  It is warm and dry inside.  Maybe what I am experiencing at the moment is contentment.  Ahhh....sweet contentment.  It doesn't come around much, but when it is welcomed with opened arms and a warm heart.  \o/

Wednesday, January 22, 2014


I have a hydrangea in my front garden that looks dead. 

Yet I know in the spring when the sun begins its journey closer to the northern hemisphere--the seemingly dead limbs will allow the little green leaves to peak out and absorb the sun thus begin the process to make food for its growth.   

Then...the buds...will ripen and open up into beautiful cylindrical balls of pink or blue announcing its God ordained beauty. 

But for right now it lays dormant.
It is mulched and covered with a blanket of winter snow. 

It is quiet. 

Maybe it too, doesn't like being seen through a screen. 

Maybe it too, is tired of standing alone. 

Maybe it too just wants to sleep......

Friday, January 17, 2014

Those women....

When I was in my teens and early twenties I used to turn my nose up at some women.  You know the type...long lifeless graying hair pulled up in the front and long in the back.  They were always wearing ill fitted jeans and oversized tee shirts loaded with stains.  Over weight, no make up, tired looking....sad looking...I swore I would never grow up to be a woman like these women.

I am older now and much wiser, I pray.  I see women like this now and I pray for them.  They ARE tired.  Many of these women have their whole worlds on their shoulders.  Let's face it....boys will be boys and most men are still boys.  Sad, but true.  Therefore, these gray, baggy women are doing the mother job and the father job usually holding down a job outside the home.  Yep...they are tired.

They have lost that "girly look" you know....make up on to perfection.  Hair always stylish.  A new outfit every now and then.  Smelling wonderful with that newly purchased cologne or perfume.  Why?  Well, one doesn't need to dress up to clean the house, do the laundry, homeschool children.  One doesn't need to dress up to go to Walmart.  Gee, even the come as you are churches do not expect dresses, heels and makeup with matching jewelry.  There is no reason for dressing feminine or just nicely. 

Then there is the husband factor.  If a woman is not cherish by her husband the way she defines being cherished...a somewhat dreary oppression comes over them and they feel unloved.  The "why bother" spirit comes in and sets up his cot in her heart and starts his dirty work.  

Why bother?  We never go anywhere?  We never do anything?  We never have a vacation?  We never have people over?  We .... we....we all the way home....

I think that all of this is just "self hatred".  Period...  I must admit...that is true of me and my life.  I don't like myself, my decisions, my marriage, my homeschooling experience, my church experience....heck...even my Walmart experience.  I just hate me and my life. 

Now...this brings me to a Scripture verse.  "If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."  1 John 4:20  I may be taking things out of context, but hating myself (made in God's image) of whom I  can can I love God whom I cannot see.  Hmmmm.... 

My heart actually hurts for those women and myself.  We want to look nice, smell nice, be nice....but somehow the enemy of our souls have tricked us into believing that we are not worth the time and effort.  (I am not talking about becoming obsessed with our looks just taking better care of ourselves.  Even the Proverbs 31 woman takes care of herself....prepares good meals....dresses in clothing of linen and purple---not my color, but, oh well).  Just to not feel guilty for getting my hair trimmed, or buying a new outfit.  What a relief that would be!

I sometimes think that women like me want to martyr themselves.  This is pride---with a capital P R I D E!!!  Can self hatred be prideful, too.  Boy, that ol' Lucifer is a cunning varmint, isn't he.  

I know I have begun a lifestyle change.  I have gone 17 days with a glass of Pepsi.  It is a small step, but a step none the less.  Hopefully, this will expand into diet and exercise. Not *a diet, but a lifestyle change in my diet.  I know what too do, just doing it is the hard part.

Oh well, I do pray for us graying, shabby looking Walmart moms.  I pray that we will see how loved we are by the Father of Creation.  Sigh....  :)   

Thursday, January 16, 2014



                              I am scared. 

                       I am going to go and....

                       Spend time with my...

                            Strong Tower.

                          My strong tower and my deliverer

Friday, January 10, 2014


I can go a whole week and never hear from a soul.  Oh, I will 'see' them on facebook, but not in person.  Nor will I hear from them.  I make a point to call whoever is sick or send a card.  There are calls to my birth state of Tennessee, but rarely do I hear from them.  I also go days without a decent conversation to a living soul.  My husband, God love him, is not a talker.  There are days where 'goodbye', 'I love you', and 'Hey you' is all that is said between us.  I am so lonely that I could die! 

My mind gets to wondering and pondering during these lean times and the enemy of my soul shoots his sickening words into the very core of my thinker.  I start getting mad, then sad, then despair sets up its easy chair in the frontal lobe of my brain.  I then suffer from the "stinking thinking" syndrome; this in turn effects my behavior.  I become moody, sullen, melancholy, sleepy, weepy, snacky and then I get negative.  I am not a overly positive person by nature anyway---throw the devil's easy chair and I produce seven depressing dwarves of my own!  

Today, is one of those days.  My soul is gray (like the sky) and very downcast.  So, I am here to write and allow the Holy Spirit to cast out the occupied satan seat and perk me up for God's Glory.  " Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." This is Psalm 43:5.  I need to praise Him no matter what.  There...some praise music on....Kim Walker....Bless the Lord Oh My Soul.  :)  Nice...

I always seem to turn my head away from the God of my salvation when I get like this.  I read somewhere here recently that man is born facing away from God.  When he repents he is turned toward God and follows Him.  I keep turning around....sigh... 

The entire Psalm is:

1 Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause
against an ungodly people,
from the deceitful and unjust man
deliver me!
2 For you are the God in whom I take refuge;
why have you rejected me?
Why do I go about mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?
3 Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!
4 Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

There seems to be times when I feel that God has rejected me just like the writer of this Psalm, but it is written, I feel this way "because of the oppression of the enemy".

I need God to send out His light and His truth.  I want them to lead me.  I pray these bring me to His Holy Hill--to His Dwelling!  Then I can go to the altar of my God and praise Him!!! 

I need not be alone, downcast, melancholy, depressed --- all because I put my hope in God of my salvation!!

Nice pep talk...all based on the Word of God!  Typed and prayed back to my Abba.  My soul is lighter...even though the sky is still gray. 


Saturday, January 4, 2014

In whom do I trust....

Four days without Pepsi.  I am doing well as long as I have plenty of sweet ice tea in the frig.  This isn't as hard as I thought it would be, but I am only four days in....


Now...who can we trust in Biblical Teachings?  Is it okay to like the teachings of a non-Trinitarian?  Is it okay to lean toward the extremely conservative interpretations of God's Word, yet having the typical American lifestyle?  These questions are just rambling in my heart, soul and spirit...

If I believe time is short-- what do I care what others think! What do I care about others opinions about how I raise my son or handle my marriage or work my finances or choose my entertainment?  What is the deal? 

 I do not enjoy reading books by those Biblical scholars that have given up everything to travel the globe filling the bellies and spirits of the world's physically and spiritually impoverished!  These books leave me totally depressed and guilt ridden!  I am a stay at home, homeschooling aging overly plump wife and mother.  My life consists of cleaning our house, doing laundry, cooking meals, homeschooling our son, going to church, going to Walmart, Kroger, Farm Fresh, Trader Joes, Michaels and JoAnn Fabrics.  I literally go no where else.    I am still praying that my husband would be the spiritual leader of our home and that my son will follow the LORD and not his friends. 

I am starved for some good solid Biblical teaching that brings about change in my world and life in general.  So, who do I trust?  This is a very hard decision for me.  Some Bible teachers fire me up!!!!  John Hagee when he gets on a role!  Michael Rood because he teaches in the Hebrew way.  David Platt when my spirit is full.  Francis Chan when my spirit is flat.  Andy Stanley only about three times a year.  Then there are the dearly departed....Adrian Rodgers, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Jonathan Edwards, Cotton Mathers, Martin Luther, and many others too numerous to mention. 

Most of today's teachers leave me kind of ????!  Is it my spirit? I don't know, but I do know that I am terrified to be like the silly women found in 2 Timothy 3:6-7 "  For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth."  This is a tremendous fear of mine.  I don't want to be like these women.  At times, this fear paralyzes me to the point of doing nothing!  This is not good!


So, who do I follow?  I follow the Words of the LORD!!!  I cannot place my full trust on any one man and his teachings.  Does that mean I cannot listen to radio preachers or television teachers?  Well, at times absolutely not!!!!  I must be well studied up on God's Word to be able to handle the teachings of others.  I think I am just lazy enough to be led astray.  I am just lazy enough to be burdened with sin.  I am lazy enough to continue to learn yet never arriving to the Knowledge of Truth.  It does boil down the my active righteousness in studying the pure Word of the LORD!  Sigh.... I feel better getting all this off my chest!!!! 


Thursday, January 2, 2014


2014 is here.  So long 2013...though you brought us blessings I am looking forward to what God has in store for the up coming year. 

This past year there was much heartache concerning our daughter.   She was in so much pain and anxiety that she ended up cutting herself!!  She was hospitalized several times and had several terrible diagnosis'.  This just brought pain and anxiety for me and her father....then God brought a miracle!!   Our daughter became pregnant!  Oh, I was devastated!  How could she bring a baby into her chaos.... but God had a marvelous plan. 

Our daughter had to stop all medications....she was pregnant!  She had to stop cutting....she was pregnant!!  She had to woman up and take care of her son....she was pregnant!!!  What a blessing...not only did she bring a beautiful baby girl into the world for God's glory....but this little girl saved my daughter's life!!!! 

There has been a tremendous growth in the life of my daughter and her husband!  My son-in-law realized how precious little girls are....thus changing his feelings for my precious little girl!!!  He treats her much better and relies on her a lot.  My little granddaughter was born, via a section, on October 31st.  She is NOT a Halloween baby by no means!  She is a Reformation Baby!!  Because God has used her to reform this little family!!!  Praise God!!!  

We now have a sweet relationship and I am so very thankful for our little blessing.  God had a plan all along....I am truly excited for what He is going to this coming year.  \o/ 

So, what are my goals for the new year....I do have them.  They are not really resolutions, per se, just things I want to do.  One is to give up Pepsi.  I admit it...I am addicted to the brown, sweet, bubbly stuff!  I love it....but I swell so badly when I drink it, so I am truly trying to quit drinking Pepsi or colas of any kind.  Tea..... I plan on drinking tea.  I used to drink tea all the time...then I met Donnie and Pepsi.  Sigh...

Another goal is to do more sewing.  I want to quilt on my quilt, make some curtains for my living room and dining room, make a wall hanging for my mom and some pillows for my couch.  I just want to be productive.  I have gardening goals, as usual...but now becoming more of a necessity!  Thanks to rising prices.... 

My final goal is to do more Bible studies.  I just want to learn more about God and to draw closer to Him.  This will affect every area of my life and I am ready.  Being 53 changes a person and introspection is a given.... 

So, those are my New Year's thoughts....nothing mind blowing, just little goals that give a middle aged, over weight, homeschooling mom something to look forward to.

Oh well...I am going to leave you with a few pictures of my New Year's day meal....

I made a killer sweet potato pie.  It was and is delicious.  We had ham, Hoppin' John, collard greens, homemade apple sauce with the pie for dessert.  Our son was having fun with his fork....notice the bottle of Pepsi AND the pitcher of tea.  Yep...I drank the tea!!!  :)