I am so clean this morning. I had a wonderful hot hot shower and my thoughts are clean. Now, Abba, create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Oh, how I want freedom from my "escape thought world". This coping mechanism is no longer working for me, plus God wants me to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. So, it is sinful to wonder off to "my" place. satan is a crafty one and I can no longer follow him into my "escape thought world". My plan of action to Love my God properly. Praise music playing all day, doing my Bible study book, and talking with Him constantly.
Having a midlife crisis, menopause, death of my expectations and a constant dose of reality is a bit unsettling for this 51 year old woman. I remember when I used to be soooo happy and contented. It was about 10 years back when my focus and life's verse was Proverbs 14:1. "A wise woman BUILDETH her house, the foolish one PLUCKETH it down with her own hands."
I did everything to build my house, but I became the focus of jokes from friends and acquaintances, and even family. So, I began to think...who cares anyway. It doesn't matter if this chore is not done or that chore is not done. My, oh my, how my life went into a tailspin when I started to stop building my house. Pluckething just came naturally. It was the buildething that was divine. I became like everyone else and I loathe that truth and myself. I am praying that my Father in Heaven will have mercy on me and allow me to start buildething once again. I know that my family would appreciate it and God would be pleased.
Why do we homebody women allow peer pressure and such to come in and take over. Is not God true to His Word? Does He not keep His promises? Why am I trusting in the opinions of others instead of obeying my loving Abba's Word?
Abba, I have sinned against You and Your Word...Please forgive me. I turn from the praise of all but You. Please help me to work hard and Buildeth my house once again. I need Your Strength and Your Energy. Help my focus to always be on pleasing You and You alone. Restore me to what You have called me. If there are bigger plans then bring them on, but I know You love the Houses of Your people and I ask You come back into my house and dwell, live, direct, love, discipline, and anything else you want to do here. Please allow me to become the woman that You truly want me to be. Help me serve You daily. If it is by serving my family and those You will place in my path...then allow that honor to fall on me with Your Love and Strength....not mine.
To You O God be the Glory!