There are times when I think life is getting the better of me. Nothing has turned out the way I planned. The last three nights I have been having terrible nightmares; they are just a reflection of what my waking hours are. So, what to do? What to do?
I have been around long enough to know that I need to go to God. I know that He loves me and my family. His plans are not my plans. He cares more about our becoming more like Jesus than our peaceful American dreamlike comfort.
It is just that I really don't fit in anywhere...not even my own skin. I have always heard that menopause would be like this, but I always thought I could beat it. Funny...jokes on me.
If I could close my eyes and be transported to another place it would be in the country with green everywhere. Friends coming and going. Helping out where God leads. A meal or two here. Some supplies there. Prayer all the time. All right from my little abode. Do you want to know something? The only thing missing in this fantasy is the country. Everything else is the same. Does locality make a difference? I don't think so. I do believe I will keep my mouth closed and my heart and hands open. There are lots of ways to serve right here where I am. Sigh...I think I will go spend some time with God now. :)