When I was in my teens and early twenties I used to turn my nose up at some women. You know the type...long lifeless graying hair pulled up in the front and long in the back. They were always wearing ill fitted jeans and oversized tee shirts loaded with stains. Over weight, no make up, tired looking....sad looking...I swore I would never grow up to be a woman like these women.
I am older now and much wiser, I pray. I see women like this now and I pray for them. They ARE tired. Many of these women have their whole worlds on their shoulders. Let's face it....boys will be boys and most men are still boys. Sad, but true. Therefore, these gray, baggy women are doing the mother job and the father job usually holding down a job outside the home. Yep...they are tired.
They have lost that "girly look" you know....make up on to perfection. Hair always stylish. A new outfit every now and then. Smelling wonderful with that newly purchased cologne or perfume. Why? Well, one doesn't need to dress up to clean the house, do the laundry, homeschool children. One doesn't need to dress up to go to Walmart. Gee, even the come as you are churches do not expect dresses, heels and makeup with matching jewelry. There is no reason for dressing feminine or just nicely.
Then there is the husband factor. If a woman is not cherish by her husband the way she defines being cherished...a somewhat dreary oppression comes over them and they feel unloved. The "why bother" spirit comes in and sets up his cot in her heart and starts his dirty work.
Why bother? We never go anywhere? We never do anything? We never have a vacation? We never have people over? We .... we....we all the way home....
I think that all of this is just "self hatred". Period... I must admit...that is true of me and my life. I don't like myself, my decisions, my marriage, my homeschooling experience, my church experience....heck...even my Walmart experience. I just hate me and my life.
Now...this brings me to a Scripture verse. "If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen." 1 John 4:20 I may be taking things out of context, but hating myself (made in God's image) of whom I can see....how can I love God whom I cannot see. Hmmmm....
My heart actually hurts for those women and myself. We want to look nice, smell nice, be nice....but somehow the enemy of our souls have tricked us into believing that we are not worth the time and effort. (I am not talking about becoming obsessed with our looks just taking better care of ourselves. Even the Proverbs 31 woman takes care of herself....prepares good meals....dresses in clothing of linen and purple---not my color, but, oh well). Just to not feel guilty for getting my hair trimmed, or buying a new outfit. What a relief that would be!
I sometimes think that women like me want to martyr themselves. This is pride---with a capital P R I D E!!! Can self hatred be prideful, too. Boy, that ol' Lucifer is a cunning varmint, isn't he.
I know I have begun a lifestyle change. I have gone 17 days with a glass of Pepsi. It is a small step, but a step none the less. Hopefully, this will expand into diet and exercise. Not *a diet, but a lifestyle change in my diet. I know what too do, just doing it is the hard part.
Oh well, I do pray for us graying, shabby looking Walmart moms. I pray that we will see how loved we are by the Father of Creation. Sigh.... :)
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