Monday, January 21, 2013

Two unwanted companions...

My heart is beating fast and hard.  I know what this is...Anxiety.  Lack of faith.  Fear.  I loathe this with every fiber of my being!

Yes, I have panic attacks and transition problems.  I have had these two companions of mine for as long as I can remember and I am 52 years old now.  I get what I call a sinking feeling in my stomach, maybe someone likens them to butterflies, but I have held a butterfly and felt it's fluttering....what I am experiencing is nothing like that.  Everything just sinks.  It can be fast as lightening or slow as molasses...all flowing downward.  Yuck...I can't stand it!

Then my thoughts go crazy.  The what ifs show up and stomp around my brain making as much noise as they possibly can.  I can't think about anything true, noble or otherwise.

This is when the tears usually start and my heart beats fast and furious as if it is trying it's best to get away from the thoughts with all it's might.  I start to shake and tremble and my knees get weak.  There are usually two things that happen at this juncture.  I either fall apart or go to sleep.  Sleep is the best for me...I don't feel when I am sleeping.

I have come to accept these co-companions of mine.  I can't seem to get rid of acceptance is the only option.  I know more scripture now that I used to know, plus I am more mature in age and in my walk with Jesus than before...this allows me to rationally speak truth into my soul. 

I know that God is always with me.  I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  I know that nothing can separate His Love for me.  I know that I am His child and heir to His Promises, through Jesus His Son.  I know that I am sealed by the Holy Spirit.  When I was younger...I really didn't believe all this Truth.  At 52, not only do I believe it...I live by and these Truths.

I read a book, many years ago, called "Hinds Feet in High Places".  Much Afraid had two companions, too.  I believe their names were "Sorrow and Suffering".  She didn't want these two hombres hanging around either, but they were there because the Great Shepherd wanted them there.  They taught Much Afraid many truths about the Shepherd, so therefore they were an intrical part of the plan He had for her.  I am assuming that panic attacks and transition fear are my *sorrow and suffering* companions for His plan for me.  This makes what I am experiencing today somewhat easier. 

Today, I am not going to fall apart or go to sleep.  Nope!
I must keep my eyes on Jesus.  I must renew my mind daily with His Word.  I must trust in God and God alone.
  • Sola Fide, by faith alone.
  • Sola Scriptura, by Scripture alone.
  • Solus Christus, through Christ alone.
  • Sola Gratia, by grace alone.
  • Soli Deo Gloria, glory to God alone.

  • Isaiah 41:13 says, "For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." 

    God's Word also says, in Romans 8:31, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"  

    I will comfort my soul with these two verses heart has slowed down somewhat.  Thank you, Abba.  Help me keep my mind stayed on thee, O LORD. 

    In Jesus Name,


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