Monday, July 23, 2012

Discouraged, but still His...

Monday....yes it is. 

When I woke up this morning I was totally discouraged.  Yep!  I was discouraged.  I said a short prayer and put a load of laundry in the washer.  Oh...that's not what you do when you are discouraged...hmmmm...well, that's exactly what I did.  The light colored load to be exact.  Maybe getting something clean will help me feel less discouraged.  Cleaning something usually does....but not today.

I did some sorting through and straightening up the house when I heard the bing! of the washing machine.  Light colored clothes....I wish I had a clothesline, I do not like my things and some of my husband's shirts in the dryer. Well, I will put them on hangers--then go outside and hang them under my picnic table umbrella.  It should not take them long to dry.

Cucumbers.  My friend, Julie, wanted 7 pounds of cucumbers...let me look...yep!  The vines are loaded, so I picked.  It must have been a God thing...almost 7 pounds!  I think she will have enough. 

As I was sitting there at my old gray friend staring at this huge limb that needs to be removed...tears started to fall.  No boo hooing was done...just silent tears welled up and fell down my face on to my work tee shirt.  For a little while I thought about the goodness of God and why was it not here at the Beale Bungalow.  An occasional sob escaped, but I was able to stay in control. 

Control....what a ridiculous word!  What an unattainable concept!  Is God truly sovereign?  This week's Sunday School lesson came rushing back into my thoughts.  I believe He is, so I just need to buck up, put my big girl pants on and move ahead.  The tears are now streaming down my face...

Today was the first time in a very long time that I wished my parents were still alive.  Even with all their faults, sins and abuse. I just needed them to hold my hand and know that everything will be alright.  I do not have this in my life and I haven't had this for such a long time.

I, personally, just need to hold someone's hand that is strong... for me...not me for him.  This sounds childish maybe, but I am tired of being the strong one...the one with all the answers...I want to hold someone's hand...that I can trust... 

Okay, I will call my only sibling.  Just to hear his voice will encourage me and let me know that I have a connection on this planet from my original family....No answer.  Figures. As I sat at my old friend wiping away my tears with the still damp bottom of my hanging old purple Walmart shirt...I truly felt alone...and I was scared.  I cried silently out to God and tried to listen for His voice.  

My phone rang...It was my brother.  "Hey, sis, did you call?"    "Yeah, I just called to tell you that I love you and to hear your voice."  "Perfect timing!"  "What's wrong, Ronnie?"  Knowing that this question would not allow me lean on him, and of course I was right.  He poured his troubled heart out to me and I tried to encourage him with sisterly love and affection.  We hung up, him feeling better, me feeling even more oppressed.  "LORD, I cannot fix him.  Nor can I meet his needs.  That only You can do...Just love my little brother, LORD.  Show him the way to You."

Gathering up the cucumbers, I slowly headed to the house.  I need to bless someone...I will call my friend.  I wanted to fix her and her family a meal because her husband was having surgery.  It was good to hear a friendly voice.  Okay, meal plans set.  Breathe, Sharon, just breathe.  God is good.

Oh, call Julie!  "Yes, I have your cucumbers.  Good, just give me a call before you come and I will have them ready for you."  (While I was thinking about my sweet pickles still soaking in their syrup...need to can them this afternoon.)

Feeling a little better...God must be here somewhere.  Oh, time for another laundry load shift.  Folding, hanging, putting away, all part of my day.  Whites this time around. 

I have Bible study tomorrow.  Chapters 7 and 8 need to be read.  Okay, LORD, show me something today in my reading....great.  Paul in jail, singing songs and Your praises.  Okay, deep breath...I am sorry Lord...Please forgive me for doubting You.

Lunch done, reading done, laundry continuing--dark clothes this time around. " My your chores.  I told you that this was going to be a work day for us...thank you, I appreciate your obedience.  What?  No, Honey, Momma's okay.  Let's just get our work done."  Breathing is becoming somewhat easier now.

As my son was doing his chores I began mine.  Vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, mopping the floors, getting the jars ready for canning pickles....time was slowly moving along.  I noticed an occassional smile on my face.

Canning time.  The Beale Bungalow had the acidic aroma of sweetened vinegar wafting though each room.  Seven quarts done.  No more sweet pickles needed this year.  I am all stocked.  This was definitely a positive accomplishment. 

Julie is here...why is my young neighbor, Rachel mowing my front yard?  Returning a favor? A short sweet visit.  It was nice. heart feels lighter..."Are you sure you want to do this...It is really hot and I have a son that can and does do this.  You don't have to pay us back...that was not our intent.  So you enjoy mowing the lawn, sweating and turning red as my canned tomato sauce?  Thank you, are really sweet." is too hot to really cook.  I have been over the stove with the hot jars, hot water, hot pickles, hot syrup, hot soapy water....BLT's tonight. Simple...not too terribly hot.  Sandwhiches...I was raised on them... comfort food?

Now, supper is done, laundry will be finished in the morning.  The jeans can wait until then.


God, You got me through this day....How are You with torn two story tree limbs.



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